


Sunshine and Foils

by RainbowMartin



Series: Sunshine and Foils [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Dark Sides attempt to take over, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Lamp/Calm - Freeform, Villain!Deceit, canon-verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 04:32:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16443011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowMartin/pseuds/RainbowMartin
Summary: Look, the world is a really hard place to live in sometimes. Every day in this modern world, we hear about tragedies and problems that seem too big to handle, and the thought might cross our mind that sometimes, it might be easier to just stop. Stop caring. Stop trying. Stop worrying. Stop doing what’s right. We don’t really want to let those sides of ourselves take over, but sometimes they try. And then we have to fight back.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, friends! I'm Martin, @rainbow-sides on Tumblr, and I've finally caved and I'm posting my fics on this new AO3 account I made. Starting at the beginning. Which means Sunshine and Foils, the first fic I wrote for the fandom starting back in February. Here we go!

They finally had told Thomas that there were other sides. The Dark Sides. Roman had made the name up on the spot, but it sort of stuck. But not because the Dark Sides were inherently evil--only one of them was  _ truly _ evil--it was because for the most part, they were stuck in the unconscious part of the mind, in the shadowy darkness that, if it were physical, one might need a very bright flashlight to see more than a few feet in front of their face. They were still  _ present _ , always present, and that was okay: a balance in life is a good thing, as long as harmful traits are kept in check so they don't get excessive.

That was something that they hadn't told Thomas. The Dark Sides were a balance to the main Sides: not quite opposites but close to it. So there were four of them.

Roman held a deep and true loathing for his “opposite", or “foil", as Logan once called it while going off on a tangent about literary devices. Roman was dreams and creativity and fantasy. Roman was where the mind  _ wanted  _ to go to experience the unreal and to escape from ordinary life.

Marston was everything else.

Marston was terrible intrusive thoughts that were never good and never helpful. Marston was the voice that whispered  _ “take that dinner knife and throw it across the room at your friend, and see the blood on your white carpet" _ . Marston was the kind of thoughts that one might shake their head at dismissively, wondering where the hell that had come from, anyway, because it certainly wasn’t  _ me _ . Marston would sneak up from the subconscious every once in a while and make Thomas sit up in the middle of the night screaming.

If Roman was fantasy, Creativity, and dreams, then Marston was Nightmares. He was the only Side that Roman considered to be so far removed from Thomas’ personality that he seemed like he was someone else entirely. Albeit grudgingly, he knew that Deceit and the other two Dark Sides were necessary to make Thomas who he was. But he couldn't see that in Marston, and he hoped that he never had to tell Thomas about his foil. 

Marston was the only one whose name Roman knew, because they were foils. Patton knew Deceit’s name, and Roman was pretty sure that Virgil did too, somehow. He knew that Logan knew his foil’s name as well. 

_ That _ guy irritated Roman to no end. He was Impulsivity, jumping into situations without thinking ahead or making any plans. Roman knew very well that one didn't just decide go go face a dragon without preparation and a plan of how not to get killed by said dragon. If Impulsivity decided,  _ “hey, I'm gonna see what would happen if I just kind of stepped off this balcony” _ it was mostly Virgil and then Logan who would start shouting at him. He wasn't usually dangerous though, just annoying...as long as Marston wasn't the one feeding him ideas and as long as Logic and Anxiety were there to stop him from getting his way all the time.

Speaking of Anxiety, Virgil’s foil was...interesting. Virgil wasn't particularly eager to talk about it, but Roman kind of gathered that for a long time, Virgil hadn't actually  _ known _ about his foil, and believed that  _ he _ was the Dark Side. That was probably because of something Deceit must have told him--Roman didn't know the whole story, but there was a lot of history between those two.

Virgil was, of course, Anxiety. As Logan put it, he was the “fight, flight, or freeze response that identifies threats that need to be addressed. Even though sometimes the response can activate in times of no real danger, and it can be unpleasant, Anxiety is vital to the survival of any organism."

Or, as Patton had put it, “You keep us safe, kiddo, and we don't mind if you overreact now and then because we couldn't live without you and we wouldn't want to, anyway.” Virgil had almost smiled at that. 

Roman had later overheard a conversation between the two of them that he probably wasn't meant to hear. Patton had apparently been very sad about something that day and, to Roman’s surprise, had actually gone to Virgil to be cheered up. Roman wouldn't have predicted that but then, Patton and his emotions weren't ever really predictable.

“Hey, kiddo, have you got a minute?” Patton had said, coming into the living room where Virgil was perched on the couch listening to his music. Neither of them seemed to be aware of Roman sitting on the floor in the kitchen with a loaf of bread and a jar of strawberry jam. (He was very glad of that. He might only exist inside Thomas’ head, but he still had  _ dignity _ , and he would prefer to keep it that way, thank you very much.)

“I've got several minutes. Then I'm probably due for another anxiety attack, because I'm sure there's  _ some _ important thing I'm forgetting, but until then, I'm all yours,” Virgil had replied. “What is it?”

Patton had flopped down onto the couch. “I'm sad again today. Don't tell the others.”

“I never do.”

“I know you don't, kiddo.” Patton had sighed and put his head down on Virgil’s shoulder. “Can you sing to me again?”

Roman wasn't sure what he had been expecting but it wasn't that. Virgil  _ never _ sang, not in front of anyone else, at least. He was far too anxious for that. And he was even more surprised when Virgil actually agreed and began to hum quietly.

“You are our sunshine, our only sunshine,” he began. “You make us happy when skies are grey. You'll never know, dad, how much we love you. Please don't take our sunshine away.”

That wasn't a song Roman would have guessed Virgil even knew the words to. Even in his wildest fantasies--which were pretty out there--Virgil quietly singing “You are my Sunshine” to Patton had never occurred to him. But it  _ was  _ kind of adorable, and Roman couldn't stop himself from letting out a tiny “Awww…” Then, hoping they hadn't heard him, he immediately dropped out of the kitchen and back into his room...taking the bread and jam with him, of course.

One thing was sure after that--Roman never again doubted that Virgil was one of them and not a Dark Side. Especially after seeing what Thomas was like without Virgil to keep his foil in check.

Virgil’s foil was Apathy. All Virgil wanted was to keep Thomas safe, but Apathy, as his title would suggest, couldn't care less. If Impulsivity wanted to jump off a cliff, Apathy would be the one shrugging and saying,  _ “Whatever, dude, life is pointless anyway. We're gonna die someday, makes no difference if it's today or in seventy years.” _ Virgil and Patton and Roman all considered him to be a bit of a nuisance, but usually easily dealt with. Logan, however, had more of an issue with him.

“Virgil, could you  _ please  _ tell your obnoxious orange counterpart not to barge into my room while I'm trying to  _ read _ and then give a speech about how the acquisition of knowledge is pointless because of the inevitability of death?”

“I could tell him that,” Virgil had acknowledged. “But I kind of think it's hilarious when he manages to get you all existential. Besides, if  _ you're  _ thinking about the inevitability of death, that leaves me free to think about other things. Like getting that new video up before something awful happens and we're never able to upload it. We might get hit by a truck today, you know?” Then he had paused. “Cool, now I'm thinking about death again.”

At that point, Logan had made a frustrated noise and left the room while Virgil kind of snickered at him. But then he had snapped his fingers and called, “Hey! Tangerine! Leave Logan alone and go hang out in your empty field.”

Apathy had mumbled something inaudible in response and stepped right through the wall to leave, tugging down the edges of his dull orange t-shirt so he could hold onto it while also having his hands in his sweatpants’ pockets. (He didn't care enough to bother using doors in an imaginary mindscape where nothing had any physical substance anyway other than what the Sides chose to experience.)

Logan must have appreciated it, because a mug of cinnamon hot chocolate was left outside Virgil’s door that night. Nobody except Roman, who was standing at the end of the hallway just out of sight, saw the tiny smile flicker across Virgil’s face as he picked up the mug and disappeared back into his room, sipping the drink carefully.

Things were okay in the mindscape, mostly. Quiet. Almost a little bit too quiet when one took into account everything happening in the world outside. As Bobby Child put it in the musical  _ Crazy for You _ , “the world is in a mess--with politics and taxes, and people grinding axes, there’s no happiness.” If Roman had paid a little more attention to the warning signs (a strange restlessness in the unconscious, a few more nightmares than was usual, Virgil being just slightly more on edge than he normally was) maybe he could have prevented it. But he was just Creativity--he wasn’t well-equipped to make detailed observations about the real world.

But that knowledge wouldn’t stop him from being furious with himself once he finally realized what was going on...and by that time, it was too late to stop it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: intrusive thoughts (implied to be violent but not described explicitly), manipulation, mention of blood, falsely affectionate nicknames, villain!Deceit.

Patton was having a  _ great _ day. Completely awesome. He couldn’t keep a smile off his face...well, he always kept a smile on his face even when he  _ wasn’t _ having a great day. It made the others feel more secure to know that he was happy, even if it wasn’t always real. That was the only thing he ever agreed with Declan on--sometimes, if the only person harmed by a deception was the person perpetuating the lie, and it meant everyone else was happier...it was okay. Sometimes. And this was one of those sometimes. So he kept smiling.

Except to Virgil. He couldn’t put Virgil through that. One thing he was sure of was that Virgil could pick up on minute differences that Roman was too busy daydreaming to notice and Logan was...well, too  _ Logan _ to notice. And Virgil would immediately start worrying. He would wonder if Patton was hurt and eventually start panicking that maybe  _ he _ was the one who had hurt him, and maybe Patton was mad at him, and maybe the other Sides were, too, and maybe they didn’t love him anymore, and maybe, and maybe, and maybe. Patton knew that. He knew how Virgil operated.

And also, Patton just couldn’t bear lying to the kid, no matter the circumstances. Not after what his own foil had done to Virgil for years and years. It wouldn’t be right. And another thing Patton was sure of was that he knew the difference between right and wrong. He was Morality, after all. It was his job.

So after the first day when the smile on his face was completely fake since Virgil had opened up to them and told them his name, Patton had approached Virgil privately. The Sides had been together and talking for most of the day--Thomas had a lot of decisions that he needed to make. But now the hard part of the day was over, and Patton was tired of smiling. He knew Virgil was in his room, so he went and knocked at the door.

A heavy pause hung in the air. “Who’s...there?” Virgil called, his voice tinged with disbelief and nervousness. Understandable. Very rarely did anyone come to his room voluntarily.

“It’s me, kiddo! Can...well, I’d say ‘can I come in’, but I don’t think that would be the  _ best _ idea. Could you come out here for a few minutes? I just want to talk to you. Nothing bad. I promise,” Patton reassured him through the door.

“Um…” Virgil sounded scared. Yeah, Patton was definitely making the right decision by coming to talk to him. “Um, okay. Yeah. Sure.” A few seconds later, the door opened a crack and Virgil’s dark eyes smeared with eyeshadow blinked out at him. “Patton, what’s...what’s going on?”

“Everything’s fine,” Patton said quickly. He didn’t want to make Virgil any more anxious. “Come on out, okay?”

Hesitantly, Virgil slipped out into the hallway and closed the door behind him. He kept one hand on the handle, like he was ready to flee back inside if he had to. Patton physically ached as he thought about the fact that, not too long ago, Virgil might have  _ had _ a reason to lock himself in his room and hide from someone. “I’m going to be honest, I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Virgil stated.

“Kiddo, you’ve got bad feelings about everything,” Patton said gently. “Doesn’t mean everything is bad. Come on, sit down here with me. I’ve just got to tell you something.”

With the sort of expression that a kid might have when their parent said  _ ‘we need to talk’ _ , Virgil sank down onto the ground and pulled his knees to his chest. 

Patton mirrored him. “Virgil, I came to you and not the others for a couple reasons,” he said. He still kept the smile. He would drop it soon...well, as soon as he worked up the courage.

“You’re mad at me,” Virgil said matter-of-factly, his breath quickening. “I’m sorry, whatever it is that I did, I’m really sorry, I--”

“No, nonononono, kiddo, you didn’t do anything!” Patton exclaimed. “No!”

Virgil flinched. “Then…”

Patton took a deep breath. “Hey, look at that!  _ I’m _ actually anxious right now. That’s weird.”

Now Virgil just looked confused. “Patton, are you okay?”

_ Perfect. _ “I’m  _ not _ okay,” Patton replied, grinning. “I’m Dad.”

“Um…” Virgil narrowed his eyes.

“And…” Patton hesitated. He covered his face with his hands for a second, let the smile disappear, and lowered his hands slowly. “I’m not okay. I’m  _ sad _ .”

“Patton…” Virgil frowned. “Why are you sad?” he asked after a few seconds.

“‘Cause I’m not happy.”

“ _ Patton _ ,” Virgil repeated forcefully, clearly not enjoying dancing around the subject. “Why are you sad?”

With a sigh, Patton leaned his head against the wall, playing with one of the sleeves of the kitty sweatshirt tied around his shoulders. “Well, you don’t always have a reason to be anxious. Sometimes it just happens, right?”

Slowly, Virgil nodded. “And that’s why I was getting weird vibes from you all day. Like...something about you wasn’t quite right. I was...I was worried...but I didn’t want to  _ say _ …”

“No, it’s definitely me, kiddo,” Patton hastened to say. “I think you can tell that.”

“Yeah, I can tell. You’re not...not  _ him _ .”

Patton nodded.

“But,” Virgil continued, his voice darkening. “You  _ were _ lying. To all of us. All day.”

“It's not exactly like that, kiddo. The others don't really get it. They think...they've always thought of me as just being happy and bubbly. But I'm not just Thomas’ good feelings. I'm his Morality. His heart. And I'm not quite as clueless as the others think I am. But it truly is safer if they don't see me like this,” Patton explained.

“So you keep the facade up...to protect them?” Virgil asked. “Because...oh. Oh, I understand. Then the  _ others _ will underestimate you, too."

“That's the general idea."

“I get it,” Virgil said. “I really do. But I still don't like that you're lying to them."

“I knew you wouldn't, kiddo. That's why I came to you. I'll always tell you if I'm having a hard day, okay?”

“And you're having a hard day today."

“Uh-huh."

“Can I help?” Virgil asked tentatively. “You always help when I'm having a bad day. And I'm not...really good at this. But I can try. If you tell me how.”

Just the offer made Patton perk up a little. “You are just the bestest person, Virge. I hope you know that I love and appreciate you very very much.”

“Uhh, yeah,” Virgil said awkwardly. “You've mentioned it. Love you, too."

Patton smiled. It wasn't a fake smile. “Aww, and a  _ Patton _ the back to you for being able to say it! I know you do, kiddo.”

Virgil snorted quietly. “You're back to making dad jokes. Guess you're feeling a little better?”

“A little,” Patton agreed. His face fell again. “Still sad, though. Don't suppose you've got puppies in your room?”

“No, sorry. I think you'd have to go talk to Roman for that one.”

“Oh, well. Worth a try! Sometimes I wish we could actually have a cat or a dog in here without Roman having to imagine them up.”

Virgil raised his eyebrows and pointed out, “If we had a cat in here, you would always be having a bad day. Because your face would be swollen up and your eyes red and puffy and your nose all runny and you'd be completely miserable.”

“But! I would have a cat!” Patton responded.

With a small laugh, Virgil said, “I guess so. Well, I can't offer you puppies, and I wouldn't give you a cat even if I could because my god, do you know how bad that is for your respiratory system?”

“Logan has told me, yes. I don't have a physical body so it's very confusing to me that I can even have an allergic reaction in the first place--but it still means I can't have a cat and I don't like to think about that because it makes me sad,” said Patton.

“Yeah, I know. Well, like I said, I can't give you cats or dogs. All I've got is little old me, and I'm not a very cheering and calming presence, as you might have noticed.”

“Hush, you! You're perfect just the way you are!” Patton scolded.

“I know better than to fight you on that, but that doesn't mean I know how to help you with this.”

Patton tilted his head. “Okay. Come here, I can show you.”

“What?”

“Come here,” Patton repeated. “I'll show you how to help cheer me up.”

“Um, okay…” Virgil slid a little closer to him, and Patton pulled him into a tight hug. “And this is helping  _ you _ ? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”

Patton tugged Virgil over to lay across his lap. “No, this is fine,” he said. He started running his fingers over Virgil’s hair and made a delighted sound. “Oh! Your hair is  _ very _ soft!”

“Standing in the shower for hours calms me down. It also makes my hair soft,” Virgil informed him. “Why are you petting me?  _ I’m _ not a cat.”

“You’ve got soft hair, you jump at loud noises, you like sitting on things that aren’t meant to be sat on, and you hiss when people annoy you. It’s close enough.”

Virgil couldn’t stop himself from laughing a little. “Okay, sure. Whatever makes you happy, Patton.”

“If only you could purr,” Patton lamented.

“Never mind, I'm going to draw the line at purring."

“Aww.” Patton pouted for a second, but was content to just sit there with Virgil draped across his lap and to play with his hair.

Virgil might not have been purring, but after a while, it seemed like he was falling asleep. He started to hum softly. Patton was sure he wasn't aware he was doing it, but it was completely adorable. Patton felt warmer and a lot happier now. Talking to Virgil had definitely been the right choice.

That had been almost six months ago. Then the  _ Guys and Dolls _ incident had happened, and he had tried to be a little better about not hiding all the time with the others. But he certainly didn’t have to hide today.  _ Today _ had been a great day. Thomas had been productive, he had spent most of the day with his friends and had a great time, and now the other sides were all asleep. Patton was still too energized to sleep, so he was wandering the mindscape aimlessly, humming to himself. He didn’t think anyone else was there, but he was wrong.

“Patton?” a small voice said.

Patton turned, looking around. “Virgil?” he asked. He didn’t see anyone there until he turned back around. “Oh, there you are, kiddo!”

Virgil was sitting on the ground in front of him, pressed against the wall. “I’m not feeling too great,” he said. He was shaking a little.

“Ohh, oh no, Virgil...what’s wrong, kiddo? What happened?” Patton knelt down and tried to touch him, but he shrank away. “Oh, okay. No touching, that’s okay, too. You want to talk?”

“No...I think...can I just walk with you for a while?” Virgil requested.

“Sure thing.” Patton decided not to press further. Virgil would talk about it when he was ready. He held out a hand to help him to his feet, but Virgil didn’t take it and just stood up by himself.  _ Okay, so  _ really _ no touching. That’s fine. A bit odd, for how he’s been lately, but...maybe he’s just not feeling up to it. _ “Okay, let’s go, kiddo,” he said lightly. “Which way?”

Virgil shrugged and pointed down one of the branching corridors. “That way, I guess?”

“Sounds great!” They wandered around the hallways of Thomas’ mind for a while, walking past plenty of rooms with closed doors. Patton let Virgil lead the way, wondering if the anxious Side had a particular destination in mind. At each turning, Patton would offer the choice to him and he would choose one. His breathing had been fast and panicky at first, but now had slowed into a comfortable rhythm. “So…” Patton said after a long time. “You want to talk about it yet?”

“Not really.”

_ That was short. And dismissive. He hasn’t talked to us like that in a while. _ “You’d tell me if something really bad was bothering you, right?” he made sure. “‘Cause, kiddo, you know I respect your privacy, but...the whole opening up thing has to go both ways.”

Virgil glanced over at him. Something strange flickered in his eyes when their gazes met. “Yeah...I know.”

“Okay, just...tell me if I can help.” Patton stopped suddenly, looking around. This particular corridor wasn’t one he visited very often. He didn’t like being this close to… “Hey, Virgil? I think we should probably turn back now, kiddo.”

“Why?”

“Because…” Patton frowned. “Virge, do you know where we are?”

Virgil blinked slowly. “No.”

“Okay...well, we should really turn back now.” Patton was getting nervous. He reached out and grabbed Virgil by the hand, preparing to pull him back down the hallway.

Then he stopped.

Virgil’s hand...was  _ cold _ .

Virgil’s hand was cold, and as Patton turned to stare at him with a shocked expression, one of his warm, dark brown eyes suddenly began to glow yellow.

“No,” Patton breathed. “Dec--”

“Hey, Patton,” he drawled. “Told you I wouldn’t be back, didn’t I?”

Patton drew himself up, shoulders square. The others weren’t there--he didn’t have to hide his anger. “Declan, go away.”

“Oh, but I’m having  _ so _ much fun with you!” He blinked and his eyes were Virgil’s again, looking at Patton sadly. “I thought we were friends.”

“You can’t trick me after I’ve seen through you once, Declan,” Patton sighed. “And you know you can’t beat me.”

“Sure I can. All...by...myself.”

For a second, Patton didn’t understand. Then a creeping chill snuck up behind him and he spun around.

Behind him stood a shadowy, cloaked figure. He somehow seemed taller than he logically should be, like he was towering over Patton. The edges of his slick velvet cloak and hood were lined in a white ribbon, making him seem like the reverse of a black ink sketch on white paper. His face was barely visible underneath the shadow of his hood, but the skin was pale. He didn’t say a word, but his very presence filled Patton with so much pure dread that he couldn’t even move.

A door creaked open. It was a very particular creak, and Patton knew immediately what door was being opened. He found his voice. “N-no,” he stammered. “No, please--”

Hands clad in silky white gloves grabbed him by the arms and began dragging him towards the door.

“No, please!” Patton struggled desperately, but the darkest of the Dark Sides already had a hold on him. “Please! No, Thomas needs me!”

Deceit was laughing. “He doesn’t need you, Patty-cake. Not anymore. You’re too soft. The world is just getting crueler, and crueler, and you can’t keep up with it. Thomas can’t be soft anymore. He needs  _ us _ .”

“No, he needs  _ me _ ! He needs me! They all need me!” As Patton felt the sickly grey fog engulf him, a terrified scream ripped itself from his throat. “Roman!” he wailed. “Logan! Virgil! Help! PLEASE!  _ HELP ME! _ ”

The door slammed shut, and Patton was trapped in the unconscious with the sinister being who still had a steely grip on him. The fingers dug in harder, and he was filled with horrible images of Thomas’ friends, and the other Sides--his  _ family _ \--and he was hurting them. He was  _ hurting  _ them. He didn’t want to see this--he didn’t want to see this! This wasn’t him! But it felt so real, and he could  _ feel _ their blood on his fingers and he could hear them begging him to stop.

_ “THIS ISN’T ME!” _ he tried to say. But what he said was,  _ “THIS IS ME! THIS IS ME! THIS IS  _ ME! _ ” _

_ No...no... _ he thought, whimpering silently.  _ No, please...I couldn’t ever do this, I couldn’t ever hurt them. I’m a good person. I’m a good person. I’m a  _ good person.

“I’m not a good person,” he whispered, and the images agreed with him and they didn’t stop agreeing with him, and they just  _ kept coming _ , and  _ god _ , he didn’t know that there was this many nightmares to be had in the whole world, let alone just hiding in the deepest parts of Thomas’ unconscious.

The hand on his arm squeezed even tighter, but Patton didn’t even care about the pain. He just wanted the nightmares to stop. They didn’t stop. They would  _ never _ stop.

Slowly, Patton dropped down to the ground, curling up on the indefinitely large field of mist-enshrouded grass. The hand remained on his arm like a vice. With a final burst of strength, Patton whispered, “Let me go.”

To his surprise, he was released. But the images didn’t stop, and he realized with horror that they were  _ inside _ of him now. They were a part of him, and he couldn’t get rid of them.

He went limp. The awful thoughts kept coursing through him, but he couldn’t fight them anymore. He gave in, knowing he was defeated, and just sobbed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Existential thoughts/feelings of pointlessness.

“Please go away.”

“Nah.”

Logan’s eye twitched, irritated. Apathy had been sitting on the floor behind him for almost an hour while he was trying to practice balancing complicated chemical equations. He made it very difficult to focus. “I'm going to ask you again--"

“I'm not gonna listen, though.”

Logan groaned loudly and grabbed a book to throw at Apathy’s head. Unfortunately, he didn't have very good aim, and ended up barely grazing the sleeve of the Side’s dull orange t-shirt.

Apathy didn't even flinch. “Was that supposed to, like, get some kind of response from me?”

“No,” Logan muttered angrily.

“Oh, mmkay, cool, cool. So glad you're starting to get the concept of doing things for no reason. Now if only I could get you to understand doing  _ nothing _ for  _ any _ reason…” Apathy mused.

“That's not--but I didn't--” Logan tried. “Oh, I don't have the patience to deal with you today. Virgil!”

Usually, Virgil would pop up when he was called. He didn't answer today, though.

“Huh. Guess you're on your own."

Logan stood up and tried to push his way past Apathy to get to his door, intending to go and find any of the other Sides who were all better at dealing with Apathy than he was. But his path was blocked suddenly by Apathy raising his hand lazily. Logan felt himself stop in place.

“Actually, I'm not supposed to let you leave,” Apathy drawled.

“Not supposed to--excuse me?" Logan sputtered and tried to keep walking. He couldn't move. “Let go of me!”

“Like I said, I can’t really do that.”

Logan gasped as a wave of terrifying indifference washed over him. Apathy had closed his fist. It felt like claws, sinking into his mind and releasing a poison there, a poison that whispered things to him and paralyzed him until he could barely breathe...and didn’t even want to.

_ Pointless, _ the whispers said.  _ Stop fighting it. You’re smart. You know exactly how much meaning being alive has, and it’s  _ nothing _. We’re all just a mass of atoms that happens to have electric and chemical currents running through it, making it seem meaningful. But you know the truth. Give up, Logic. There’s no point in fighting to stay alive when there’s no point in living. Just stop. It’s so much easier. _

“I don’t--want to,” Logan choked out. “Please--you shouldn’t be able to--affect me like this--I don’t understand--I don’t--”

“I can do this to you because you’re all alone right now,” Apathy informed him. “Usually, you’d have Anxiety or Morality rushing to your rescue. I mean, hell, Creativity might even be able to save you. But all by yourself? Well...it’s pretty easy to use logic against itself when there’s nothing to balance it out and feed it some sort of emotional reason to keep going.”

“What have you--done to them?” Logan cried. It was getting harder to stay on his feet. The hopelessness of it all weighed him down, made him feel like the gravity of Earth had doubled. “Where are they?”

“ _ I _ haven’t touched them. I can’t affect any of them much, anyway. Nah, taking care of  _ you _ was my only job.” Apathy’s fist tightened, and Logan collapsed to the ground. “And hey, look. Nice. I did my job. Not that I really care.”

Logan tried to push himself back up, but he was too heavy and the soft carpet that pressed against his face seemed to be holding onto him.

_ Just stay down here, _ the whispers urged.  _ Just let go. It’s all useless. The knowledge is just going to fade away eventually, and you know that. So don’t even bother. Just let go. _

_ Maybe he’s right, _ Logan thought numbly.  _ No...he  _ is _ right. Logically, there’s no purpose to life when everything that we might ever accomplish will one day get swallowed by the sun. Why didn’t I see that before? _

_ That’s right, _ purred the whispers.  _ That’s right. Just let go. _

Logan let go.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: villain!Deceit, manipulation, references to former toxic and abusive friendships, returning to an abusive friendship, self-deprecating thoughts, fear of abandonment, description of a panic attack, anxious thought spirals.

Virgil was absolutely terrified.

That wasn’t really anything  _ new _ . He was always scared or worried about something. It was literally his job, after all. But the kind of all-consuming fear that gripped deep inside his chest and made it seem like all the air had disappeared? That wasn’t normal.

Hugging his knees to his chest and sobbing breathlessly, he tried to call out for any of the other sides to come and help him. He could barely mouth their names, let alone get any volume behind the words.

But even so, they would  _ know _ that it was this bad. Wouldn’t they? They had always shown up before, at least since they had accepted him as one of them. Patton had promised that he wouldn’t have to go through this alone anymore.

And yet here he was. Alone. And somehow he knew that the others weren’t coming.

“What’s this?” someone said. The voice came from above him, from someone standing over him. “Virgil, what are you doing all by yourself like this? That can’t be a good idea.”

The voice sent icy chills through Virgil’s blood. He looked up slowly, his eyeshadow smeared all down his cheeks from his tears. “Go away,” he choked.

“And leave you all alone again? Surely you don’t want  _ that _ ,” Deceit said smoothly.

Virgil hated that he was  _ right _ . He didn’t want to be alone, and he wished that he had the strength to remember that even being alone was better than being with  _ him _ . He said nothing, but Deceit knew what that meant.

“Well, where are your ‘friends’, then?” asked Deceit. “I thought they would always be there for you when you feel this way.”

“I don’t know why they’re not here,” Virgil muttered.

“Isn’t that strange? I wonder what they’re doing that could possibly be more important than helping you out,” Deceit said.

Virgil held his breath, counted to seven, then let it out. “I won’t let you get inside my head,” he stated, trying to sound calm.

“Oh, come on, Virgil. The fact is, I’m here. And they’re not.”

That...was true.  _ But still. _ “You don’t want to help me,” Virgil said. “Whatever you’re doing, it’s not to help me.”

“Virgil, you and I both know that I want to protect Thomas as well. I just have...different opinions about how to do it than your new friends do.”

“But you’re wrong,” Virgil said. The words sounded weak, even to himself. “Because Thomas is a  _ good person _ , and lying is wrong.”

“But Patton promised.”

Virgil’s chest constricted. “What?”

Deceit knelt down on the ground in front of him. “Patton promised that he would be there for you. But he’s not here. So...he must have lied to you.”

“N-no, he wouldn’t…”

“Then why isn’t he here?”

“I don’t kn-know, but…”

“Oh, Virgil,” Deceit sighed. “I thought that you were getting  _ less _ gullible. Patton clearly only wanted you to feel more secure so that Thomas would be less anxious. He didn’t actually care about  _ you _ .”

“That’s not true,” Virgil protested, but he didn’t believe his own words completely.

“All three of them, really,” Deceit continued. “They all just want to subdue you, weaken you, make you less of who you really are.  _ I _ know who you are, Virgil, and it’s not who they’re turning you into.”

_ But that’s...that’s true. They  _ do _ want me to be more quiet, more controlled. Because I hurt Thomas otherwise. No! _ Virgil argued with himself.  _ No, we’ve been through this already. Without me, Adrian takes over, and that isn’t a good thing. Thomas can’t be ruled by Apathy. He needs me, doesn’t he? _

“They don’t want  _ you _ . They just want less of you, so they keep you around to make sure they can restrain you.”

“No…” Virgil whispered.

“Virgil, don’t you think it’s time you faced it? You’ve had a fun time, pretending that you belong with them. It’s been a good run. But come back to us now. You  _ know _ we were always there for you.”

“You...you didn’t…” Virgil was having a hard time putting together words to form a coherent sentence. “You only ever...you never…”

“We never left you alone,” Deceit murmured. “And we never tried to stop you from being who you are. We  _ miss _ you, Virgil. You’re our  _ family _ .”

Something inside Virgil was crumbling. He wiped his eyes. “I don’t know…”

“Come home with me, Virgil. Come home to us.” Deceit extended his hand, his yellow gloves providing a thin layer over his perpetually cold skin.

Virgil didn’t really want to, but he couldn’t stop himself. He took Deceit’s hand. Immediately, the world shifted, and they were standing in an unlit hallway, part of the labyrinth deep inside Thomas’ mind. Virgil had spent plenty of time back here, but that didn’t mean he really knew his way around. “Where are we?” he asked.

“Oh...somewhere around the memories from summer of 1998?” Deceit said. “I don’t know exactly.”

“Okay.” Virgil looked around. He didn’t like how dark it was here. “Can...are there lights we can turn on?”

“Why? This is how it used to be. I thought you liked the dark?”

Actually, Virgil had always been afraid of the dark. He didn’t like  _ bright _ light, because it hurt his eyes, but he much preferred to be able to see where everything was. There was too much of the unknown in the dark. But he had pretended, for years, like he was comfortable with darkness because that’s just where the Dark Sides were...and he had wanted to stay with them. Because he hadn’t wanted to be alone. “It’s fine,” he told Deceit. “Never mind.”

“Good. Hmm…” Deceit looked down the hall. “I’ll be right back, Virgil. Stay here. There’s something I’ve got to take care of.” And then he was gone.

Virgil blinked. “D-Declan?” he called. “Wait, come back! Don’t leave me here alone!” It seemed even darker now, and Virgil shivered, wrapping his arms around himself. He looked around anxiously, wishing that his eyes would stop playing tricks on him and making him see shadowy figures in the dark.  _ He said to wait here. _ Virgil sat down on the ground with his back against the wall. He gazed around for a while, checking to make sure nothing was creeping up on him.

After what felt like hours, Virgil’s head began to clear.  _ What...the hell was I thinking?  _ he chastised himself angrily.  _ I know better than to listen to him! What… _

But there was something he couldn’t ignore. The others  _ hadn’t _ come to find him. Maybe he was ‘jumping to conclusions’ as Logan would say, but he honestly couldn’t find other conclusions to which to jump. They didn’t care about helping him anymore, or something terrible had happened and they  _ couldn’t _ get to him. Either way, it wasn’t good. Virgil stood up shakily and started walking down the hallway.

Just a few steps later, he froze.  _ If I leave,  _ nobody _ is going to know where I am and I might be lost forever. But if I stay here, then I can’t try to find the others. But maybe they don’t want me to find them. But maybe they’re in trouble. But maybe… _

The thoughts continued to spiral, and Virgil eventually began to hyperventilate again. He got light-headed and ended up collapsing to the ground.

_ I don’t even know where I am _ , he thought.  _ Even if I could walk steadily right now, I wouldn’t know where to go. I’ve never been able to find my way around the corridors. Damn it! Why did I take his hand? _

_ Because you’re weak, _ said a whisper in his mind.  _ Because you always do this. Because no matter how many times you get hurt, you’ll always go running back to the first person who promises a home. _

And Virgil couldn’t argue with that.  _ But...he’ll come back for me. Right? _

He doubted it. But it was safer to stay where he was. The small chance that Deceit would return for him was better than the infinitesimal  _ (wouldn’t Logan be proud) _ chance that he’d be able to find his way out of the corridors to somewhere familiar.

He hugged himself a little tighter, and waited.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Blood, some injury (nothing too awful or graphic), impulsive thoughts.

Roman had no idea how long he had been inside this fantasy. Every time he had tried to leave it, he could tell that Thomas was pleading with him to stay inside. He wasn’t sure exactly why, but he was worried. When Thomas wanted to escape real life this badly, there was always something pretty awful happening. Roman couldn’t do anything about it except try to keep him distracted until the other Sides worked things out, and only after Thomas had come to terms with whatever was happening could Roman leave the fantasy and figure out what had happened for himself.

He was sitting on top of a hill underneath the stars. The Milky Way was stretched overhead, bright and clear. There were no artificial lights in this fantasy realm to drown out the stars. It was beautiful. Roman was talking to a gorgeous, but fairly generic, dream-boy who was stretched out on the grass next to him. It was a pretty common daydream, one that they would fall back on when Thomas needed something familiar to hold onto.

“And that, my dear, is just one of the reasons why I think you are wonderful,” Roman proclaimed. He had been exchanging romantic compliments with the dream-boy for a while now, not sure if he was repeating himself or if everything he said was completely original. He gazed at the dream-boy, waiting for him to respond.

Suddenly, someone appeared behind the dream-boy and grabbed him, tossing him down the hill. Roman was so startled that he lost concentration, and the dream-boy disappeared completely.

“What the--why would you  _ do _ that?” he yelped, recognizing the person.

Impulsivity shrugged. “Wanted to.”

Roman stood up and drew his sword, pointing it right at the breast pocket on the Side’s green-plaid button-down shirt. “Well,  _ I _ didn’t want you to! What are you doing here anyway? I thought I told you I didn’t want you coming anywhere near my dreamworld, especially not when Thomas is having such a hard time!”

Eying the sword interestedly, Impulsivity said, “Hey, wouldn’t it be cool to chuck that as far up in the air as you could and see where it landed?”

“No! It would not be cool! This is why I don’t like you!” Roman exclaimed, poking the sword against the fabric of the plaid shirt. Then he drew back and sheathed his sword, knowing that if Impulsivity happened to think about throwing himself onto the sword, he would do it. And as much as he didn’t  _ like _ the disruptive Side, he also didn’t particularly want to impale him on the blade. “What  _ are _ you doing here?”

“Well, Deceit was like, ‘hey, I don’t think that the other Sides really have what it takes to keep Thomas safe with how everything in the world is changing, because it’s like,  _ really _ bad these days’, and he thinks that Morality is too soft and attached to other people, and that Logan is too stuck in his old ways of thinking to adapt, and that you guys have made it so Anxiety isn’t as aware as he should be and he doesn’t warn Thomas about everything that he should because he’s too soft now also. Oh, and he says that you’re a distraction and that Thomas can’t spend all of his time daydreaming,” Impulsivity babbled. “Huh, I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t have just said any of that. Oh, well. Too late now.”

Roman opened his mouth and closed it a few times, trying to figure out how to respond to that. “Why on Earth did they trust you with...any of that information?” he managed eventually.

“Honestly, dude, I have zero clue. They really  _ should _ know better than to tell me any parts of a plan other than what is completely necessary for what I’m doing. ‘Cause my only job is keeping you in this little dreamworld until you forget that there’s anything outside of it. The others are taking care of everything else.” Impulsivity clapped his hand over his mouth. “Oops.”

Roman grabbed him by the collar. “What are the others doing?” he growled. “Are Logan and Patton and Virgil alright?”

Taking his hand away from his mouth, Impulsivity blurted out, “No! They’re definitely not going to be alright once we’re through with them!”

Letting out a shout of anger, Roman threw him to the ground. “Where are they? Is that why Thomas won’t let me out of here?”

“Probably! It’s gotta be pretty scary when your Morality, Logic, and Anxiety are all disabled! He probably just wants a distraction! I should stop talking!”

“Yeah,” Roman agreed. “You should stop talking, and start helping me to get out of here!”

“Oh, yeah, so that’s definitely not gonna happen. I’m under, like,  _ really _ strict orders from Deceit and Nightmares--”

“I know Marston’s name, you can use it--”

“From Deceit and Marston, that I’m not supposed to let you leave here. So, uh, sorry?” Impulsivity snapped his fingers. Suddenly, the hilltop disappeared. They were standing on a rooftop in broad daylight now. Impulsivity was leaning pretty far over the edge. “Hey, come over here! I bet if we jumped, we could kinda, like, do that thing Aladdin did at the beginning of the movie when he jumped out the window and used the clotheslines and survived!”

“Curse you for trying to use Disney against me! Absolutely not!” Roman cried, grabbing his arm to stop him from jumping.

“Oh, come on, man, you’re no fun at all! Okay, fine. I’ve heard you’ve got dragons in here. Let’s go find the biggest one you’ve got and see if we can try to ride it!” suggested Impulsivity, snapping his fingers again. Now they were standing on the side of a mountain. “Oh, look! Dragon!”

Roman ducked just in time. The huge albino dragon that lived in a cave in this particular imaginary mountain range was swooping over them, her fiery breath only just barely singeing the top of Impulsivity’s beanie before Roman grabbed him and pulled him down. “I never face any of the dragons without a proper plan!” he shouted. “We should  _ not _ be here!”

“No plan, no problem. We can just make it up as we go along!” Impulsivity pulled loose and started running along the mountain path. “Here, dragon! Over here, big pretty lizard!”

“Oh, now you’re just going to upset her! She hates being called pretty! Or a lizard! Watch out!” Roman drew his sword and leapt in front of Impulsivity before the white dragon’s tail could impale him on its spikes. 

She had landed on the mountain, thrashing her tail like an angry cat. The width of her head from ear-slit to ear-slit was longer than Roman was tall. Her tail smacked Roman right in the middle of his chest and toppled him backwards. He rolled down the rocky mountainside for about ten yards and only stopped when he hit a tree with a painful thud.

“Oh, shit, dude!” Impulsivity snapped, and they were back on the hill.

Gasping for air and clutching at his bruised ribs, Roman shot him a death glare. “A thank you might be nice,” he coughed.

“Yeah, yeah, thanks and whatever. I guess you can have a minute to catch your breath before we’ve got to move on. I’m not supposed to let you stay in one place for too long, but…” Impulsivity shrugged. “I also don’t really want you to get hurt. Even though Marston said it didn’t matter.”

“Oh, he did, did he?” Roman muttered, sitting up with great difficulty. He was bleeding through his nice white tunic where his arm had been struck by a particularly sharp rock on his way down. “That’s just splendid. I truly wish that he didn’t exist.”

“He is a little creepy,” agreed Impulsivity. “Okay, let’s go!” He snapped his fingers.

For the next...well, Roman wasn’t exactly keeping track of the time, but it felt like ages, they jumped from one place to the next. From a swaying rope bridge over treacherous white-water rapids where they had almost drowned after Impulsivity had decided to leap, to an alarming number of situations in which Impulsivity just sort of began taking his clothes off in public, Roman barely had time to get his bearings before the scene changed again.

The dizzying swirls of color and sound, each accompanied by some sort of dilemma, succeeded in tiring Roman out quite thoroughly. He wasn’t used to switching scenarios like this. He preferred to take his time with the daydreams, spending even more time planning them than actually experiencing them.

And this was exactly why! In a fantasy world, he could get hurt. Even though he didn’t technically have a physical body, everything else in the fantasy was just as real as he was. So he could get hurt. And it  _ hurt _ . His arm was throbbing and still bleeding, and he was shivering and soaking wet from multiple falls into various bodies of water. Impulsivity seemed unaffected as he continued to think up more places off which to jump, more fantasy monsters with which to pick fights, more crowds in which to take off his pants.

Eventually, Roman couldn’t take it anymore. He could hardly move, in pain and completely exhausted. He fell to his knees, and then they were back on the hill once again.

“Are you good? Are you done now? You can’t fight back anymore, can you?” Impulsivity asked.

Roman toppled over in response, breathing hard. “Give me a few minutes,” he said weakly. “You’re not really evil, you can understand the concept of chivalry.”

“Oh, yeah, sure. Take as long as you need, bro. All I’m supposed to do is make it so you can’t get out of here.” Impulsivity lay down on his back on the grass, sticking his legs up in the air. “And I doubt you’re going anywhere right now. Plus, I’m getting kind of tired, too.”

“Oh, really?” muttered Roman. “I wouldn’t have guessed that.”

“Well, I mean, I’m  _ used _ to jumping around like that. It’s kinda what I do. But even I’ve got some limits.” Impulsivity settled back against the grass and closed his eyes, adjusting his bright green beanie. “Do me a favor and let me know when you’re rested enough to keep going.”

“Sure,” Roman said, rolling his eyes. But in actuality, he finally was able to focus enough to reach out to Thomas and beg him to let go of the daydream world.  _ Thomas, come on, buddy. You’ve got to let me out of here. I know it’s tough, but I can’t help find the others and make you feel better unless I can get out of here. So please. For Patton, and Logan, and Virgil...you’ve got to let go of the fantasy. _

He continued to plead, waiting for the familiar weakening of the veil between reality and fantasy. Nothing happened for a while--Thomas was pretty stubborn, and he clearly didn’t want to be in the real world right now. But eventually, Roman won out. The veil split.

Moving so quickly that his injuries protested by hitting him with a wave of pain, Roman leapt to his feet and grabbed Impulsivity by the collar. Before the other Side could figure out what was happening, Roman had broken through the veil and stepped out into the mindscape, still dragging Impulsivity behind him.

“Oh--aw, man, Thomas wasn’t supposed to want to do that!” Impulsivity complained.

“He didn’t,” Roman said grimly. He was aware that Thomas was now curled up on his couch, his face buried in a pillow. Roman was sure that whatever he was feeling must have been incredibly confusing, and was very glad when, a few seconds after the daydream had ended, Thomas fell asleep. “I told him to. He does listen to me occasionally.”

“I guess I kinda failed at my job, then.” Impulsivity sounded a bit disappointed. “Aw. I told them I could do it.”

“Sorry not sorry, pal. Now shoo, shoo, go back to wherever it is you hang out in your free time.” Roman waved his hands dismissively. “You haven’t got any power over me outside of the dreamworld.”

Impulsivity sighed. “Fine. Hey, it was kind of fun, right?”

“Not really.” Again, Roman gestured at him. “Run along now.”

With another sigh, Impulsivity snapped his fingers and disappeared.

After a second or two, Roman let himself lean against the wall. He was still exhausted, and his injuries still hurt. Unfortunately, the consequences of his battles stayed with him even when the fantasies ended. That was another reason why he tried  _ not _ to let Impulsivity into the dreamworld.

Grimacing, Roman conjured up some bandages to wrap the gash on his arm, which was still slowly leaking blood. As soon as he could, he stood up straight again and started down the hallway.

He had to find the others.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Anxiety attack, some crying, brief uncertainty of reality, mention of blood/injury (nothing graphic).

It was close to three hours before Roman found anyone. The empty mindscape was really disorienting. He searched up and down the hallways, trying to locate someone, anyone, who could help him. He called out for them, over and over again until his voice was hoarse from shouting. “Patton! Virgil! Logan!” he tried. “Logan! Patton! Virgil!”

Deep inside the maze of corridors, Roman finally succeeded in at least part of his quest. He was still shouting their names, but at this point he hardly expected an answer.

“I...I'm over here,” someone called from down a nearby hallway.

Gasping, Roman began to run. He ignored the aches in his body as he raced down the corridor. He stumbled to a halt when he saw Virgil, sitting on the ground. “Oh, thank heavens!” Roman sighed. He was more relieved than he ever thought he could be to see those dark smudges of make-up.

Virgil scrambled to his feet and took a few shaky steps backwards as Roman reached for him. “Roman?” he asked cautiously.

“Yes, it's me! Of course it's me!”

“No, but  _ he _ was...the only one who knew where I was.” Virgil glared suspiciously.

“Virgil, I've been searching for you for hours,” Roman said. “Come on, I need your help with this."

“I...I don't…” Virgil seemed torn. “But...why didn't you come? Why didn't any of you come?”

“I've been stuck in the dreamworld for probably more than two days,” Roman informed him. “And Virgil, I don't know what you're referring to, but I doubt the other two  _ could _ come to your aid. I'm not sure exactly how, but they've been...disabled, somehow, by the Dark Sides.”

“That was...one of the scenarios I considered.” Virgil still looked wary of him. “But…”

“Oh, for goodness’ sake!” Roman exclaimed. “I'm not Deceit, Virgil!” He reached out and grabbed Virgil by the hand, trying to convince him. “It's really me. I'm here.”

Virgil looked down at his hand. “You're warm,” he whispered. “Roman?”

“ _ Yes _ ,” Roman repeated.

Suddenly, Virgil jumped at him and threw his arms around his neck. He let out a sob into Roman’s shoulder. “I thought nobody was ever going to come for me,” he whimpered.

Taken by surprise, Roman had to process the fact that Virgil was actually  _ hugging _ him voluntarily before he could respond. But once he had registered it, he quickly wrapped Virgil in a tight embrace, nearly lifting him off the ground. “Oh, now, you should know that I'll always come to rescue you,” he said.

Virgil was still crying, like he had been waiting for someone to come and hold him so he could let go. “I'm sorry,” he managed to say through heaving sobs. “I'm sorry, I let him trick me again, and I th-thought I wouldn't d-do that anymore, b-but--" He couldn't force more words out as he trembled violently in Roman’s arms.

“Oh, dear,” Roman murmured. “Virgil? It's...it’s alright now. I've got you. Deceit can't hurt you while I'm here, okay? I promise. I'll protect you.”

“I kn-know.” But he showed no signs of stopping his tears.

“Hush, hush now,” Roman said gently. “There, there, it's quite alright.”

“H-he said th-that you guys d-didn't care about m-me, just about m-making Thomas st-stop worrying so much,” Virgil stumbled.

“Well, he was lying. That's what he does, Virgil. We care about you very much.” Roman did wish that Virgil would stop crying, though. Comforting him was usually Patton’s job, and Roman was generally at a loss for how to make him feel better. “Shhh, shhh,” he soothed. “You're safe now. I won't let anything bad happen to you.”

Virgil slowly calmed down, his wracking sobs turning to small hiccups. He didn't let go of Roman, however, and actually started to squeeze even tighter. Roman couldn't stop himself from letting out a small whimper of pain because of his injuries. Virgil noticed, and jumped back immediately. “You're hurt!” he gasped. His eyes widened as he saw the large red stain on Roman’s sleeve. “You're  _ bleeding _ !”

“No, it's alright,” Roman reassured him. “It's not that bad, really, it stopped bleeding hours ago. Nothing is too badly damaged.”

“I'm so sorry, I must have been hurting you that whole time, you should have said something, I would have let go, I was just being stupid and clingy, I'm so sorry,” Virgil said, stumbling over his words in his haste to apologize. Tears were welling up in his eyes again.

“Absolute nonsense,” Roman said gruffly. He didn't want to show how emotional he was getting at the relief of finding one of the others. “And don't you start crying again. Come back here, come here. Just...no  _ squeezing _ this time.” Roman pulled him back into a hug and kissed the top of his head, swaying side to side gently.

Gingerly, Virgil returned the hug like he was afraid of breaking Roman. “Sorry,” he mumbled again.

Roman just sighed for a moment. “No need for that. We really should get going, try to find the others. I've no idea where Patton and Logan are.”

“Uh-huh,” Virgil agreed, but he made no move to pull away.

“Virgil,” Roman said a few seconds later. “We should really get going.”

“Yep, you’re right.” Still, Virgil didn’t move. He actually pressed his face harder into Roman’s shoulder.

“Okay,” Roman murmured. Well, he certainly wasn’t going to pull away before Virgil was ready. If Virgil refused to let go during a hug, he probably  _ really _ needed it. “Take all the time you need, Virgil.”

Reluctantly, Virgil stepped back after a few more seconds. He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie. “Do you know the way out of here?” he muttered. He avoided eye contact, seeming a little embarrassed by his outburst.

“I found my way here, didn’t I? I can get out of a labyrinth without the use of a string,” Roman retorted. “We’re not lost, don’t worry.”

“You’re telling... _ me _ ...not to worry?” Virgil tried to smile, but couldn’t manage much of one. “That’s likely, Princey.”

Roman sighed dramatically, holding out his hand. “Well, come along, then. The Prince and his dark and stormy Knight have some work to do.”

“Oh, did you just?” Virgil groaned. He rolled his eyes but took Roman’s hand and pressed close to his side as they started walking down the corridor.

Roman noticed after a minute that Virgil was trembling still. “I know it’s a bit of a silly question, but are you doing alright?” he asked quietly.

“I...don’t like it here,” Virgil answered. He glanced around at the dark corridors. “It’s too dark.”

“There’s nothing here that can hurt us,” Roman reminded him.

“I know.”

“Close your eyes. Then you won’t see the dark.”

“I’m walking, though! I’ll trip!” Virgil protested.

Roman put his arm around Virgil’s waist tightly. “No, you won’t. One foot in front of the other, brave knight. I won’t let you fall, or bump into anything. And we’ll be out of the hallways before you know it.”

Virgil hesitated, then closed his eyes and tightened his grip on Roman’s hand as they continued to walk. “I’m not brave,” he muttered.

“Of course you are!”

“I’m literally terrified of everything.”

“And I’m almost positive that we’ve had this conversation before,” said Roman. “Bravery is persistence in the  _ face _ of fear, not the absence of it. The fact that you’re still going, despite everything, is proof of your incredible bravery.”

“Whatever.” Virgil squeezed Roman’s hand again, letting him know that he appreciated the support even though he couldn’t express it verbally. “Where have you already looked?”

“Patton wasn't in his room, and I checked yours as well. Logan’s room is all the way on the other side of the mindscape--I decided to search through the corridors on my way there, which was a good decision, seeing as I found you.”

“So we're going to Logan's room?” Virgil checked. His eyes were still closed.

“That's the plan. Careful, we're turning left here...that's it. I've been calling for both of them, but neither have answered."

“I might regret asking for your creative spin on it, but what do you think happened to them?” Virgil asked nervously.

“Well, Impulsivity said--"

“Impulsivity?” Virgil exclaimed, stopping in his tracks and turning to look at Roman. He flinched as he remembered how dark it was, but pressed on. “When did you see Impulsivity?”

“He barged his way right into the dreamworld,” Roman explained. “That's why I'm a bit...battered.”

“He hurt you?”

“Well, indirectly. All he was trying to do was to keep me trapped there, but unfortunately most of his ideas are rather...uh, dangerous.” Roman touched the bloodstain on his sleeve, wincing.

“But  _ why _ ?” Virgil demanded. “He doesn't usually cause problems.”

Knowing that Virgil was probably going to freak out, he continued carefully, “He was apparently only following instructions.”

“From who?” Virgil’s eyes widened. “Deceit! That cold, scaley-faced--"

“And Nightmares,” Roman finished quickly, immediately reaching out to steady Virgil, guessing correctly that he was going to stumble backwards. “Easy, easy, now.”

Virgil was breathing shallowly. “Marston, too?” he asked. His voice shook.

_ Oh, yeah. _ Virgil used to know all of the Dark Sides. “Virgil, calm down.”

“Calm--you tell me that  _ Marston _ is planning things, and you expect me to calm down?!” cried Virgil. Now his voice was getting the echoing quality that it sometimes got when he was really scared.

“No, I  _ need _ you to calm down. Virgil, Virgil, listen to me. Focus on me.” Roman took both of Virgil’s hands in one of his own, and then cupped his other hand around Virgil’s cheek. “Virgil, Logan and Patton need us. Come on, you can do this. Breathe.”

“I can't,” Virgil said in the deeply distorted voice. “Roman, do you understand how bad this is? What Marston can do when he gets out of the unconscious? Even  _ Patton _ is afraid of him. He's probably hurting Patton. What if we can't get him back? What if he's hurt Logan and Patton and we can't ever get them back and the Dark Sides take over and Thomas will--"

“Be fine,” Roman interrupted the spiraling worry. “Thomas will be fine. You and I won't let anything bad happen.”

“Us?” Virgil scoffed. “Daydreams and a fight-flight-freeze response. Without Morality, without Logic, Thomas won't  _ be _ Thomas anymore.” His breath was coming in ragged gasps.

“Virgil,  _ stop _ ,” Roman said emphatically. “This isn’t helping!”

Virgil shook his head helplessly. “I know,” he choked out. “I  _ know _ , Roman, but I can’t--”

Roman cut him off by pulling him into a tight hug. “I know,” he whispered. “I know, too. And I know you can’t stop just like that, I shouldn’t have asked you to. Try breathing with me, alright?” He held the panicking Side against his chest, hoping that Virgil would follow along if he did the calming breathing pattern himself.  _ In for four seconds. Hold for seven. Out for eight. _

Although Virgil resisted for a minute, he eventually buried his face in Roman’s collarbone as his breathing slowed. He nodded. “Okay,” he whispered. “Thanks.”

“We won’t let anything happen to Thomas,” Roman insisted before letting Virgil step back. “Maybe...maybe I’m being overly optimistic, or I’ve just got dreams of grandeur. But Marston  _ is _ my foil, and he’s also the antagonist to my protagonist, the...the Voldemort to my Harry Potter, the Mr. Hyde to my Dr. Jekyll, the Captain Hook to my Peter Pan. And I know I’m not Patton, and Morality isn’t my job...but I do know that good is stronger than evil, Virgil. Marston is powerful when he gets a foothold in Thomas’ mind, absolutely. There comes times in almost  _ everyone’s _ life where they feel so helpless that the voice saying that it’s easier not to try, that it’s easier to stop caring about what is right and just start doing what is easy--I’ve made two Harry Potter references in one speech now, but please bear with me--when that voice gets so loud that it is difficult to hear anything else.  _ We  _ have to be louder, Virgil. We have to find Logan and Patton, and we have to  _ shout _ until Marston and Deceit and Apathy and Impulsivity know that they aren’t welcome here.” Roman took a deep breath. “Are you with me?”

Virgil nodded slowly, a glimmer of wary hope shining in his eyes. “I’m with you.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Panicking, mention of suffocation, existential thought, implied past toxic friendships, a bit of philosophy.

When they arrived at the door to Logan’s room, Roman didn't have much hope that he would be there. After all, neither he nor Patton nor Virgil had been in  _ their _ rooms. He knocked on the door, and there was no response.

Virgil was rocking on his toes worriedly. After Roman knocked again and still nobody answered, Virgil couldn't seem to stand the suspense. He pushed his way forwards and burst through the door, stepping inside.

Roman sighed, following slowly. But then Virgil screamed, and he sprang into action. “What is it?” he cried, rushing into the room. “Oh!”

Laying completely still, face down on the carpet next to where Virgil was kneeling, Logan didn't respond at all to their presence. “Logan!” Virgil said. He grabbed Logan by the shoulder and shook him roughly. “Logan, wake up! Wake up!”

“Here, let me see him,” Roman said, needing Virgil to stay calm.

“Why won't he wake up?” Virgil wailed.

Roman dropped down and made Virgil let go of Logan. “Let me see him,” he repeated. “Focus on not panicking, alright, brave knight?”

“Logan,” whimpered Virgil.

“I know, I know.” Feeling sick with worry, Roman carefully lifted Logan up off the ground, rolling him over so his face was exposed. The logical Side’s glasses had fallen off. His face was tinged almost blue, probably from not being able to breathe while his nose and mouth were crushed into the carpet. He still didn't move.

“Is he okay?” Virgil asked desperately.

“I don't know, Virgil. Give me a minute.” Quickly, Roman felt for a pulse on Logan’s neck. It was weak, but it was still there. However, Logan didn't seem to be breathing. Roman loosened his tie and pulled him up into a sitting position, rubbing his back to encourage him to take a breath. “Logan, you've got to wake up, now. Come on, we need you, you great big beautiful nerd.”

“Logan…” Virgil reached out and grabbed one of his hands.

Suddenly, Logan began to cough. He doubled over so violently that he was wrenched from Roman’s grasp. In between coughs, he took great gasping breaths like he hadn't been able to breathe properly in days. He probably  _ hadn't  _ been, being unconscious on the floor.

“Hey, hey!” Roman exclaimed. He wrapped one arm around Logan's shoulders to hold him steady. “Easy, now. Easy.”

“You're okay, Logan,” Virgil said softly. The relief on his face was clearly visible now that Logan was breathing. “We've got you.”

Logan didn't respond. He was too busy breathing, and clinging onto Virgil and Roman’s hands in a way that would have been uncharacteristic if he hadn't just woken up from what must have been a terrifying experience. After several minutes, he finally seemed satisfied that he was no longer suffocating. He slumped backwards against Roman with a sigh.

“I've got you, Sleeping Brainy,” Roman murmured. “I've got you.”

Nodding slightly, Logan said in a hoarse whisper, “I...appreciate it.”

Virgil began brushing Logan’s disheveled hair back from his face, and gently replaced his glasses. “There, that's better,” he whispered.

“Thank you, Virgil.” Logan shot him a weary but grateful glance. “Are you two...alright?”

“ _ You're  _ asking  _ us _ if we're okay?” Virgil asked. His voice was a little bit high-pitched, almost hysterical.

“Yes,” Logan replied factually.

Virgil started to laugh. It was a nervous, exhausted laugh that really seemed more like he was crying. “That's absolutely  _ ridiculous _ !” he said.

Logan tilted his head, confused. “Virgil? Are you…”

“I'm  _ fine _ ,” Virgil insisted shrilly.

Roman reached out and tugged him closer. “Come here. Both of you, just...Come here.”

Closing his eyes, Logan whispered, “I apologize, I…”

Virgil had pressed himself as close to the other two Sides as he possibly could. He had calmed down a little bit. “Apologize? Why?” he asked.

“I think I...gave up,” Logan stated. “What he made me think...it made so much sense, at the time, that I convinced myself that he was right all along and that this was all pointless. While it is true that intellectual and logical people with low emotional intelligence are often more susceptible to existential thoughts, I can't help but think--" He broke off, starting to cough again.

“Easy, easy. Breathe, Logan. It's alright, we've got you,” Roman said.

Logan caught his breath. “Can't help but think that I should have fought him harder,” he finished. “He won so  _ easily _ .”

“This was Apathy?” Roman clarified.

When Logan nodded, Virgil let out something dangerously close to a growl. “I am going to  _ kill _ that--that--" He sputtered, at a loss for a good enough insult.

“He told me that it was because you weren't there to provide me an...emotional justification for life, since pure logic knows that there is no purpose or point. And he also said taking care of me was his only job. I assume that meant rendering me unable to function properly,” Logan said. “He implied that something similar was happening to the rest of you, and--" He stopped talking abruptly, looking around. “Where's Patton?”

Roman and Virgil exchanged glances. “We haven't found him yet,” Roman said reluctantly. “But we will! Especially with you helping us now.”

“What do you mean, you haven’t found him yet?” Logan pulled away from them, brushing away their hands as if to insist that he could sit up by himself. “What’s been happening? Please, just tell me what I need to know.”

Roman did his best to explain. As he recounted what Impulsivity had said to him about Deceit’s view on the Sides not being able to protect Thomas well enough with the rapidly changing world, Virgil started to get fidgety again. Logan was listening to Roman intently and nodding along, but he must have been paying enough attention to Virgil that he knew when to reach out and take Virgil’s hand reassuringly.

After Roman had finished, Logan continued to nod for a few seconds, then grew still. His eyes darted around the room as he thought. Roman and Virgil knew better than to interrupt him before he was done processing the information. “I see,” Logan said eventually. “Going off the assumption that what Impulsivity said was true, and that really  _ is _ Deceit’s intention, then...I suppose we have to conclude that...he truly does believe he is acting in Thomas’ best interest.”

“But even Deceit used to know better than to mess with Nightmares,” Virgil blurted out. “He would only ever let him out when he needed to scare Thomas into lying about something.”

Logan squeezed Virgil’s hand. “Yes, we are aware.”

Shuddering, Roman added, “We saw, Virgil. We were there, as well.” He tried not to remember the nightmares they used to have all those years ago.

“In a case this extreme, where Deceit is actively trying to disable us to allow himself and the other Dark Sides to control Thomas’ life, the most important thing to do would be to get Morality out of the way first,” Logan said. “Even if the three of us were still perfectly fine, without Patton, Thomas would no longer have a clear moral compass. When faced with a decision, Morality is able to override just about any other factor. No matter how much more logical a choice may seem, or how much safer, or how much closer it might bring them to achieving their dreams--” He gestured to each of them in turn. “--if it is not the  _ right _ thing to do, the person making the decision will not choose it. Consistently, they will make the choice that seems most morally correct.”

“Patton is more powerful than we give him credit for,” Virgil said quietly.

“Indeed.” Logan nodded. “Which is exactly why the Dark Sides would have had to get him out of the way first. Morality can be...altered, in extenuating circumstances. You see it all the time. People can rationalize doing terrible things without even realizing that what they are doing is wrong. They can be convinced that they are in the right despite any objective standards.”

“If they’ve hurt Patton--” Roman gripped the handle of his sword and ground his teeth together angrily.

“A person can also be convinced,” Logan continued, “that they are a bad person, despite evidence to the contrary. Allowing some speculation, that is what I believe the Dark Sides would have attempted to do to Patton. Virgil, you know better than anyone how they operate. Would you agree?”

Virgil flinched with his entire body, seeming to shrink. “I…” he said in a small voice.

“Logan,” Roman warned.

“Oh. I am very sorry, Virgil, I can see that I was being insensitive. Please accept my apologies. I know this must be difficult.”

“It’s alright,” Virgil mumbled.  “Yeah. I...I agree. I mean, it's what they did to...to me. But Patton…” He couldn't finish his sentence. He sniffed, and Roman realized that the anxious Side was close to tears.

“For Nightmares to sink his claws into Patton like that, there’s only one place that they could be,” Roman said quickly. He reached out as he spoke, touching Virgil’s shoulder. “And we should get going. We have to be ready for a fight.”

“I concur,” Logan said.

“You’re talking about the subconscious, right?” Virgil clarified.

“Unfortunately,” Roman replied.

“Yes, the subconscious. The area of consciousness not in focal awareness, which cannot be processed moment to moment but influences decision-making nonetheless, and which is able to be accessed through focused and deliberate effort,” Logan said.

“Yeah, I know what it is, Lo,” Virgil sighed. “I used to spend a lot of time there, remember? It’s where the Dark Sides hang out when they’re not actively stirring up trouble.”

“And that’s where we need to go,” Roman said decisively. He stood up.

Logan tried to follow, but his legs gave out underneath him during his first couple attempts. “I apologize,” he panted. “I appear to still be a bit...shaken, from what Apathy did to me.”

“We got you,” Virgil told him. He pulled Logan to his feet and steadied him. “Take a few deep breaths. You good?”

Closing his eyes for a moment, Logan nodded. “Thank you.”

“Lean on us, my friend,” Roman said, extending his arm for Logan to hold onto.

“I’ve got him,” Virgil said. “Lead the way, Prince.”

“Very well.” Keeping his hand on the hilt of his sword, ready to draw if one of the Dark Sides jumped out at them, Roman led the other two out of Logan’s room and started down the hallway towards the masses of doors and corridors. Somewhere in the very center, like a minotaur waiting for them, the door to the subconscious stood. 

Roman knew the way--his adventures had taken him through the hallways many times. Sometimes he was Theseus in the labyrinth and sometimes he was Harry Potter in the Third Task, but no matter who he was fantasizing about, he could find his way right to the deepest part of the mind and back with his eyes closed.

Behind him, he could hear Virgil speaking to Logan in a hushed voice. He probably wasn’t supposed to hear the conversation, but he couldn’t help it.

“So, if the Dark Sides have convinced Patton that he’s not a good person,” Virgil began, “do you think we’ll be able to...to save him?”

“Yes, absolutely,” Logan said without hesitation.

“What makes you say it like that?” Virgil asked. He sounded taken aback by Logan’s earnestness and confidence.

“Well,” Logan said. As Roman glanced over his shoulder, he saw the logical Side give Virgil a rare small smile. Logan was still leaning against Virgil for support. He continued very gently, “We saved  _ you _ , Virgil. That’s evidence enough for me.”

Virgil let out a tiny gasp. He didn’t say anything, but Roman could tell that he pulled Logan a little bit closer.

Roman’s heart ached. He wished he had the same certainty. The thought of losing Patton made a lump rise to his throat. He found himself slowing down slightly to fall in step with the other two, putting his arm around Logan’s waist. He mumbled something about helping Logan keep up but really, he needed it more than Logan seemed to anymore. He needed to stay strong.

For Patton. And for Thomas.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Villain!Deceit, manipulation, intrusive thoughts, blood, self-doubt, psychological torture, panicking, believing that you have/are going to hurt someone you love, swords.

The subconscious is a strange place. It takes the image of a wide field completely entrenched in fog and shrouded in a perpetual twilight. It's impossible to see more than a few feet ahead. All the colors are muted and muddy, and around the edges are structures full of memories and emotions stored in rows and rows of drawers that aren't quite reachable under normal circumstances, but if the right memory trigger pops up in real life,  _ wham _ , the drawer flies open.

Past the structures, though, the field is mostly just open. There are things in the fog, drifting, calling out softly. Some areas are darker and more concealed than others, as if the imagined sunlight is partially covered in black, heavy clouds. Wispy figures, the ghosts of long-forgotten dreams, float past. They have no substance--if they are touched, they will disappear and reappear somewhere else. That is how everything moves in the subconscious. One might enter through one door and not move at all, but then find a minute later that they are somewhere else entirely.

Roman made sure that he didn’t let go of Logan’s hand, and that Logan didn’t let go of Virgil’s for even an instant. It was too easy to get lost in there. The thought of wandering alone in the fog forever without direction or purpose filled him with dread. He squeezed Logan’s hand a little tighter.

As Logan glanced at him a few seconds later, wincing, Roman realized that it was maybe more than a  _ little _ tighter. “Sorry,” he mumbled, loosening his grip.

“It’s alright that you’re afraid, Roman,” Logan replied. “If it makes you feel better, I’m afraid, too.”

Virgil snorted. “I’m not even going to bother saying ‘me, three,’ ‘cause...obviously.”

“I’m not afraid,” Roman lied.

“Falsehood,” Logan said quietly. “I can feel the pulse in your wrist. It’s almost as fast as Virgil’s.”

Roman cleared his throat and ignored the comment. “We need to find Patton. Hopefully before Thomas wakes up.”

“Here’s hoping that Remy cooperates with us for once in his damn life,” Virgil muttered. “Logan, isn’t there any way to narrow the search? I mean, Patton could be anywhere in this place, and it’s like...pretty much infinite.”

“While the subconscious is not bound by the laws of physical space since it is a psychological projection of a part of Thomas’ consciousness, it definitely is not infinite,” Logan corrected. “However, because of its shifting, inconstant nature, it is impossible to search with any methodical algorithm. I suppose we just have to…hope we have  _ good luck _ .” He said the words like they left a bad taste in his mouth.

“If  _ you _ are telling us that the only chance in hell we’ve got is luck, then we’re screwed,” Virgil said flatly.

Roman was about to chastise him for thinking so negatively when suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a tiny flash of bright blue in a patch of darkness where the mist had cleared for a moment. He started to run without thinking, letting go of Logan’s hand.

Both Logan and Virgil shouted for him in surprise, then rushed after him as soon as they realized what was happening.

Roman reached Patton first. He fell to his knees, afraid to reach out and touch the other Side lest he disappear like the dream-ghosts. Virgil and Logan stopped short just behind him, staring at the figure on the ground.

Patton was curled up as tightly as was physically possible. His head was wrapped in his arms, hiding his face completely. There was a red and purple bruise on one of his forearms, shaped like a hand that had wrapped around his arm and dug its fingers into his skin, breaking it in a few places and causing a small amount of blood to be smeared down his wrist. His glasses had fallen off and were lying in the grass a foot away from him. One of the lenses was shattered. The light grey cat-hoodie that Logan had given him and which was usually tied around his shoulders had come undone. It was only partially draped over him now that the sleeves were no longer tied together. He looked broken, and he made no indication that he even knew the others were there.

“Oh, Patton,” Roman breathed. “Oh, what have they done to you?”

Virgil was shaking so hard that he collapsed onto the ground next to Patton’s head. “D-dad?” he whispered. When Patton did not respond or move at all, Virgil gave out a sob and reached out to touch his shoulder.

The second that Virgil’s fingers made contact with his sleeve, Patton screamed. It startled Virgil so much that he toppled backwards as Patton sat up and gazed around with wild eyes. “No, get away, get away!” he cried.

Roman attempted to grab his hand, but Patton pushed him away with more force than of which Roman would have thought him capable. “Patton, calm down! We're here now, we found you, you're safe--"

“Get  _ back _ ,” Patton sobbed. “No, please, I don't want--I can't let-- _ please _ \--”

Logan tried next, crouching down and saying calmly, “Patton, please listen to us. We've come to help you.”

“No, you can't, you can't, please, just leave now before it's too late!” wailed Patton. “Please, please, I don't want to hurt you, please, I'm begging you!” He flinched as Roman tried to touch him again. “Don't! You can't stay here, you can't trust me! I don't want to hurt you, just  _ go _ !”

“You're not going to hurt us,” Virgil said tearfully. “You could  _ never _ hurt us, Patton, please, just let us help."

“You don't understand, you don't--" Patton doubled over, sobbing. “Please, no, it hurts, it hurts, make it stop,” he whimpered. He pressed his palms against his eyelids like he was trying to block something out.

“We need to get him out of here,” Logan said urgently.

“Patton, shhh, Patton, it's okay, it's okay,” Virgil said. He was reaching out but didn't dare actually touch him again. “Patton, listen to me, please. It's me, it's Virgil.”

Roman was getting ready to just reach out and scoop Patton into his arms to carry him directly out of the subconscious himself, no matter how hard Patton fought back.

“I don't want to hurt you, please--"

“You could never hurt us,” Virgil repeated. 

“Oh, and he's  _ definitely  _ going to believe you, Virgil,” came a sibilant voice from behind them.

Before Roman could even draw his sword, Virgil had leapt to his feet and was rushing towards Deceit with his hands held up in fists. “You disgusting monster!” Virgil screamed. “I'm going to--"

Logan grabbed him from behind just in time, wrapping his arms around Virgil’s waist to hold him back. “Easy, easy, that isn't going to help Patton!”

“I don't care, I'm going to kill him! That scaley-faced, snake-tongued bastard!” shouted Virgil. He struggled in Logan’s grasp. “Let me go!”

Deceit almost looked bored by the outburst. “My goodness,  _ language _ , Virgil! Calm down, dear.”

Virgil was shaking with angry sobs as he went limp in Logan’s arms. Taken by surprise, Logan nearly dropped him before adjusting his grip and shooting a dangerous glare at Deceit. He handed Virgil over to Roman, who held him protectively with one arm and held his sword pointed directly at Deceit’s face in the other hand.

Logan stepped up closer to Deceit. “Your goals,” he said quietly, “are illogical. And you cannot succeed. We are and always will be stronger than you.”

“Oh, I know! That's why Patty-cake over there is perfectly fine, and not damaged beyond repair,” Deceit replied.

Virgil gave a shuddery gasp as he glanced back to see Patton curled up on the ground again, shivering and mumbling to himself.

“You can go on without him, can't you?” Deceit asked. His voice dripped with false concern. “Oh, but I'd  _ hate _ to see all of you wither away without daddy to take care of you.”

Snapping his head back around, Virgil let out a hiss that quickly broke off with his panicked hyperventilating. Roman winced, torn between trying to calm him down, helping Patton, or attacking Deceit. He was frozen with indecision.

“Aww, Anxiety,” Deceit cooed. “I can tell that you're not on the... _ verge _ of completely losing it.”

Neither Logan nor Roman was fast enough this time to grab Virgil and hold him back. He sprang forward and landed a solid punch right in the center of Deceit’s face with a painful sounding but satisfying crunch.

Deceit stumbled backwards. His nose slowly started dripping blood. He couldn't hide the look of shock on his face--evidently, he hadn't expected Virgil to do that. “Well, this doesn't hurt at all,” he stated.

“Good,” Virgil spat. “You--you don't  _ get _ to make jokes. Especially after  _ hurting Patton. _ ”

“Oh, I can take credit for that, alright.” Deceit wiped away some of the now-gushing blood from under his nose and stared at it interestedly.

Roman felt a shiver go down his spine as he heard something move behind him. Patton started whimpering and crying as Roman turned to look.

Marston was crouching next to Patton. His face was covered by the shadow of his hood, like always, and one of his white silk gloved hands rested on top of Patton’s head. He was stroking Patton’s hair almost... _ gently _ , and Roman was filled with revulsion as he saw Patton try and fail to shrink away from the touch.

Roman swung his sword at Marston with a shout. “Get away from him!” he cried.

Suddenly, Marston had a sword of his own. It was long and pale, like it was made out of bone. As Roman struck out again, the two swords collided over Patton with a crash. The moral Side cried out and pressed himself closer to the ground with terror.

“You will not touch him again,” Roman proclaimed, driving Marston further away from where Patton lay. “Never! Again!” He accentuated each word with another sword blow. 

Marston said nothing aloud, of course. He rarely did. But the contact between the two swords sent shockwaves back into Roman’s mind. He did his best to block out the images of horror and blood and death with anything bright and happy and good that he could imagine. It wasn’t easy.

As he and Marston continued to fight, Roman was aware that Virgil had dropped back down next to Patton and had finally managed to touch him without him pulling away. He had tugged Patton into his lap and was cradling him against his chest, rocking him and talking quietly. Roman couldn’t hear what he was saying, and couldn’t break concentration to try and listen. Meanwhile, Logan was standing in front of the two of them protectively, glaring at Deceit with the kind of look that said  _ try anything, and I won’t just break your nose. _

Roman was so proud of them.

They were his heroes.

He fought harder.

Marston didn’t seem to ever get tired. No matter how much effort Roman put into the swordfight as well as the battle between their minds, he had to face the facts: he was losing. He was quickly becoming tired, and most of his energy now was going into blocking the sword blows and the dark intrusive thoughts. He knew he could only keep this up for so long. But he kept going.

“I will not let you take over Thomas’ life,” he growled. “I refuse. Do you hear me? I refuse!”

Marston’s impassive exterior gave nothing away, but he suddenly hit Roman with a wave of devastating, cripplingly terrifying thoughts as if to say  _ your refusal means nothing to me. _ Roman felt like the breath had been knocked out of him physically, and he couldn't stop himself from dropping his sword to clutch at his head. He fell to his knees.

_ I'm sorry, Thomas, _ he thought.  _ I tried. _

The pale sword rose up above his head. Roman closed his eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Villain!Deceit, manipulation, intrusive thoughts, blood, self-doubt, psychological torture, panicking, believing that you have/are going to hurt someone you love, swords, cycle of fixating on intrusive thoughts, inability to discern reality from fantasy, some existential thoughts, insecurity, a significant amount of crying.

The blow didn’t fall.

Roman opened his eyes. Marston was frozen in place. His sword was still in the air, but he looked paralyzed. Somehow knowing that it was safe, Roman stood up. It took only a second for his head to clear from the intrusive thoughts and the loud clashes of the swords.

Someone was singing.

“...our only sunshine. You make us happy when skies are grey...”

Turning around, Roman realized exactly what was happening. Some of the mist had cleared a little bit, and he walked over to Virgil and Patton, steadily, like he was in a dream. He knelt down and took Patton’s hand. “You’ll never know, dad, how much we love you,” he sang, adding his slightly stronger voice to Virgil’s quiet one which was rough with tears.

Patton’s eyes were closed. If it wasn’t for the fact that both Marston and Deceit had stopped attacking them, it wouldn’t have been possible to tell that he could even hear them.

But he could.

“Please don’t...don’t t-take…” Virgil’s voice broke and he couldn’t seem to get the lyrics out.

But then a third voice joined in, a voice that spoke the words more than singing them, and Logan put one hand on Virgil’s shoulder and one on Patton’s as he knelt down to join them. “Please, don’t take our sunshine away,” he said.

Virgil looked up at him through eyes filled with tears, grateful.

“You are our sunshine,” Roman started again. He reached out and wiped away some of the tears on Virgil’s face while lifting up Patton’s hand to press against his cheek. “Our only sunshine.”

“You make us happy when skies are grey,” Logan continued.

“You’ll never know, dad, how much we love you.” Virgil had recovered his voice, and he ran his fingers through Patton’s hair as he sang.

“Please don’t take our sunshine away,” Roman finished. He dared to look up. Deceit and Marston were both staring wide-eyed, incredulous and furious that they couldn’t move. Deceit seemed to be trying to say something, but he couldn’t. Encouraged, Roman was about to start the song over.

He didn’t have to.

Patton had stood up. He was tying his sweater tightly around his shoulders. He was smiling, even though the traces of salt from hours of crying still clung to his face. Virgil, Logan, and Roman all stared at him from where they still sat on the ground.

Deceit took a hesitant step forward, and Patton held up his hand, palm out. Once again, Deceit froze in his tracks. Silently, and still with the unnerving smile, Patton looked between Deceit and Marston. 

“I think you two need to leave now,” he said lightly.

After a second, Marston opened his mouth and a strange, whispery voice came out. “But, Patton--”

Patton closed his fist, and Marston disappeared. Turning to Deceit with an icy look in his eyes and a bright smile on his lips, Patton added, “Your turn!”

“This was how I thought it would happen,” Deceit said. “I’ll leave for good this time.”

“Yep, we know! Bye-bye, now!”

Deceit disappeared willingly.

For a minute, the four Sides just sat or stood there in silence, taking a moment to breathe now that they knew they were safe. The mist swirled around them. The sun, which wasn’t really the sun but only some source of unseen light, seemed to have clouds passing over it, covering them in an-ever changing patchwork of light and shadows.

Patton slowly began to sink to his knees.

The other three were at his side in an instant, each trying to hold him as they lowered him down gently. The smile was gone from his face. In its place was a blank, tired expression and a few tears sliding down his cheeks. He wrapped his arms around himself and looked down at the ground.

“Patton?” Logan said softly.

“We’re here now,” Roman told him.

“We’ve got you, dad,” Virgil added.

Patton’s shoulders shook with a tiny sob. Immediately, Roman pulled him close, tucking his head under his chin and shushing him quietly in an attempt to calm him down. “Shhh, shhh. It’s alright, it’s alright, you’re safe now. We got you. We’re going to be alright now. Shhh, shhh, it’s alright. It’s okay.”

Virgil slid a little closer and put his arms around the moral Side to hold him tightly between himself and Roman. “We’ve got you,” he echoed. “We’ve got you.”

“I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m fine,” Patton tried to say through his sobs.

“Falsehood.” Logan reached out and brushed a tear away from Patton’s cheek. “Evidence here. Please, let us help you.”

Patton hesitated, then nodded and buried his face in Roman’s shoulder to keep crying. “Sorry, kiddos,” he mumbled. “Guess I’m...I’m a bit of a mess right now.”

“That’s okay, don’t apologize,” Virgil told him. “We’ve got you.”

“We’ll take care of you until you feel better,” Roman assured him.

Logan was picking up Patton’s ruined glasses off the ground and blowing the dust off of them. “Roman, I believe it would be in our best interest to find our way out of the subconscious as soon as possible,” he stated.

“Yes, of course.” Roman looked down at Patton, who was still shaking with exhausted sobs.  _ I doubt he can walk out of here, _ he thought. “Patton, I’m going to carry you, alright?”

“Okay,” Patton agreed in a small voice.

“Alright, it’s okay. Put your arms around my neck, there.” Wincing slightly as his injuries from Impulsivity’s escapades were aggravated, Roman stood up. One arm was behind Patton’s back and one was under his knees, cradling him in a princess hold. Patton’s arms were draped loosely around his neck. “I’ve got you, it’s alright.”

Patton sniffed. “I know, kiddo.”

“We’re going to get you out of here, Patton,” Virgil added.

“I know,” repeated Patton. He let one arm fall and reached out weakly. Virgil took his hand and said nothing. Logan fell in step next to Roman as they began to walk, searching for the exit.

It was easier to find than they had expected. After only a few minutes of walking, they found the door and left the subconscious for the branching labyrinth of memories. Sometime between then and when they left the hallways, Patton stopped crying and fell asleep. His mouth hung slightly open, one arm still around Roman’s neck.

They stayed quiet as they got back to the main part of the mindscape, in the common space that took the form of Thomas’ living room. Exhausted, Roman finally placed Patton down on the couch. Virgil sat down so Patton’s head could fall against his lap.

“Well, we’re back,” Roman said. He sat down on the floor, too tired to bother finding a seat. All of his injuries seemed to catch up to him all at once, and he let out a tiny gasp of pain.

Logan was busy. He searched the cabinets until he found a first-aid kit, a bowl which he filled with warm water, and a few washcloths. Then he came back over to the living room. He washed the tear tracks away from Patton’s face. Patton didn't even stir. After that, Logan sat down next to Roman and began cleaning and bandaging all the scrapes and bruises from the dreamworld.

Trying not to flinch when it became painful, Roman said, “You should rest as well.”

“I don't need rest,” Logan replied. He finished putting a gauze patch over a scrape on Roman’s side.

“What do you need, then?”

Logan paused briefly before starting to clean out the large gash on Roman’s arm. “A purpose,” he said eventually. “A drive to accomplish. Something that Apathy can't take away from me.”

“Oh.” Roman bit back a yelp. Whatever Logan was using on the cut  _ really _ stung. “Can you be a little more careful?” he snapped.

“I apologize.” Logan’s touch softened slightly.

“It's alright,” sighed Roman. “If it makes you feel better, you are helping. A lot.”

“Would it matter if it didn't make me feel better?”

“No, you're still helping, no matter how it makes you feel.” Roman would have rolled his eyes, but he was too tired.

“Good. Well, in that case, it does make me feel a bit more purposeful. There, that's done.” Logan had completed the wrapping of a clean bandage around Roman’s arm. He suddenly looked a bit lost as he realized he didn't have anything else to do.

“Patton had a mark on his arm,” Roman reminded him.

Logan sat up a little taller, relieved to have another task to complete. He turned around so he was on his knees facing the couch, and took Patton’s arm.

“Don't wake him up,” Virgil warned.

“I'll do my best.” Logan wiped away the blood from where Marston’s fingers had broken Patton’s skin, using just a washcloth and warm water. Patton whimpered softly and turned his face to press against Virgil’s stomach, but he didn't wake up. Logan wrapped the injury in a bandage and then placed Patton’s arm back down. He glanced back at Roman, who waved his hand. Patton’s polo shirt and khakis changed into a comfortable pair of sweatpants and the cat-hoodie. Patton looked a lot more peaceful now.

“Is he going to be okay?” Virgil asked in a tiny voice, desperate, like a child seeking reassurance.

“Yes, I believe so,” Logan answered. He took a blanket that was folded up next to the couch and tucked it around Patton. “And Thomas will wake up with balance restored between us, though it may take some time for us all to recover completely.”

“Okay,” Virgil said. He took a deep breath and his fears seemed to have been eased at least a little. He grabbed a pillow and rested it against the arm of the couch to put his head down and closed his eyes.

Roman watched as Logan took Patton’s glasses out of his pocket and sat down at the kitchen table. He removed the broken lens and began to repair the screw that had come loose. Several minutes of silent concentration later, he looked over at Roman. “Roman, could you bring a new lens into existence for me, please?”

A little irritated, Roman held out a brand-new pair of glasses, identical to the ones that had broken. “Why bother trying to  _ fix _ them?” he demanded. “It would have been much easier to just ask me to make a new pair in the first place.”

Logan gave him an intense glare. “I didn’t ask for a new pair, I asked for a new  _ lens _ . So I could put it into the old pair.”

“Well, that seems pretty illogical to me,” retorted Roman. A second later, he flinched. Logan had slammed one of his hands down onto the table in a gesture of anger, and it had made a very loud noise. “Hey! What’s the problem, Shirley Temper?!”

“What, everyone else is allowed to be upset about what happened, but not me? Because I’m just Logic, and I don’t have the capacity to care about the rest of you?” Logan snapped.

Roman blinked. “I--I didn’t say that.”

“Then surely it isn’t an impossible leap of reasoning to determine that maybe I’m just dealing with it in the only way I can,” Logan said, his voice still raised. “And besides, Patton wouldn’t want a new pair. He would want the old pair. He’s...sentimental.”

“Patton wouldn’t know or mind if you just handed him a new pair,” argued Roman loudly.

“Patton doesn’t care about the glasses,” said Patton quietly. “Patton just wants you to stop shouting.”

Roman turned his head so fast that he got a small crick in his neck. “Patton! You’re awake!”

His head still nestled in the now-sleeping Virgil’s lap, Patton gazed at Roman with sad, tired eyes. “Good observation, kiddo. But Virgil  _ isn’t _ awake, so please use your inside voices.”

Guilty, Roman nodded.

“I apologize, Patton,” Logan murmured. He set the broken glasses down on the table and came over to the couch. “And Roman, I...I’m not sure what came over me. I shouldn’t have shouted.”

“And I shouldn’t have antagonized you,” Roman admitted. “I know that you’re doing what you need to cope. I’m sorry.”

Patton smiled. “Good job, kids. Proud of ya.”

“Patton, you really should sleep,” Roman said. “You’re exhausted.”

“Now, now. We’re  _ all _ exhausted. But I don’t see you two sleeping,” rebuked Patton gently.

“I would sleep, but I have too many tasks to accomplish,” Logan said, trying to make excuses.

Patton saw right through him, of course. “Apathy hanging around again, huh, kiddo? Well, resting is a task as well, and I’d rather you did that than try to fix my glasses.”

Logan opened his mouth to protest, then thought better of it. He sat down on the couch and tucked his feet up.

“And Roman?” Patton added.

Roman avoided eye contact. “Sorry, Patton, I’d rather stay awake.”

“They’re not going to come here,” Patton said softly. “You don’t need to sit guard on us.”

Startled by how well Patton pinpointed what was worrying him, Roman looked up. “I’m not--”

“Don’t lie to me, kiddo.” Patton kept his voice light, but it was clear that he was serious. “Come on up here. We’re safe if we’re all together.”

Slowly, Roman stood up off the floor. He eyed the slightly crowded couch for a second, then waved his hand. The sofa turned into a fold-out bed with plenty of room for all of them. “I’ll change it back tomorrow,” he mumbled, and sat down between Logan, who was still in the corner and Patton, who was stretched out in the middle.

“Good thinking.” Patton sat up carefully. Roman was about to protest, but Patton was only tugging Virgil away from the edge and making it so he was lying down completely. Virgil let out a soft sigh in his sleep and wriggled closer to Patton. “That’s right, keep sleeping, kiddo.”

Roman reluctantly removed his sword belt and set it down behind the back of the couch. He brought the lights down to a dim glow with a wave of his hand, not wanting to make it too dark. When he looked over at Logan, he realized with a small smile that the logical Side was already asleep. He mimicked what Patton had done with Virgil, making sure that Logan was lying down in a more comfortable position and then taking his glasses off for good measure, folding them carefully and setting them down on the coffee table.

“It's been a while since we've done something like this, with all of us,” Patton said. “But I guess a slumber party after we've all had a rough couple days is still a slumber party.”

“‘Rough couple of days’?” echoed Roman. “Is that what we're calling it?”

“Well, kiddo, what would you prefer to call it? Should we call it Dave?” Patton said, raising his eyebrows. “Dave was pretty hard on us all. Including you.”

Roman glanced down at the bandage on his arm.

“I don't just mean that. Though that's gotta hurt, kiddo, I'm so sorry.” Patton touched his arm gently. “You should tell me what happened to get you so banged up, okay? When you feel up to it.”

“Not much to tell,” muttered Roman. “Impulsivity got into the dreamworld and did stupid, impulsive things.”

“Oh, he can be a handful,” Patton said sympathetically. “I'm sure that was frustrating.”

“It was. Because I couldn't get away from him and find all of you,” Roman told him. “And he  _ told _ me that they were hurting you. Hurting all of you. But I couldn't rescue you. That's why it was frustrating. I couldn't care less about this.” He prodded angrily at the bandaged gash on his arm, wincing in pain.

Patton grabbed his hand. “Don't,” he whispered. His eyes were welling up with tears. “It's okay, it's not your fault. And you  _ did _ rescue us, Roman. Virgil told me all about what you did to find him and Logan.”

“When did he have time to do that?” Roman wondered.

“When...when we were still in the subconscious,” Patton said. “Before the...singing. Happened.”

“Ahh,” Roman realized. “So you could hear everything he was saying.”

“Yep,” Patton mumbled. He looked away. “Every word.”

“Why did it take you so long to come back to us?” Roman had to ask.

“Roman, I…” Patton shook his head. “I  _ couldn't _ . With the strength of the hold that Nightmares had over me, I couldn't tell the difference between the false thoughts and what my senses were telling me.”

Roman shivered, feeling sick all of a sudden. He tried to imagine what that would feel like, but found that even his nearly boundless creativity couldn't quite grasp it. He was the fanciful one, sure, but it was  _ because _ he was so intimate with dreamworlds that he could always tell the difference between reality and fantasy. That was why he could usually block out Marston from his mind. But Patton...Patton was the one who would sob at a death in a Disney movie, completely inconsolable because he had forgotten that it wasn't real. It wasn't any surprise, then, that Marston’s intrusions had affected him so severely.

Even so, Roman had still failed. He had lost. He had fallen to his knees and dropped his weapon, defeated. He had  _ failed _ .

Somehow, Patton seemed to know what he was thinking about. “Hey, Roman? You want to know exactly when Nightmares’ hold on me broke?” He didn't wait for an answer and continued, “When you shouted that you refused.”

Roman scoffed. “That was when I  _ lost _ .”

“No,” Patton countered. “That, Roman, was when you  _ won _ .”

“But he defeated me! He had me on the ground, he could have killed me!” Roman burst out.

“He turned all his focus on you,” Patton said calmly. “And he released me for the first time in nearly three days. You saved me, Roman. Virgil’s singing helped, too, of course! I was kinda...in shock, I think, and you guys singing kept me grounded for long enough so I could make them go away. But I couldn't have done it if you hadn't pulled his attention away from me.”

Roman hadn't even considered that. He had assumed that it was Virgil who had convinced Patton to wake up. “Oh,” he said eventually.

“Yeah. Does that help, kiddo?”

Roman hesitated. He wasn't sure exactly how to answer. “I'm just glad we're all alright,” he decided on.

Patton shifted his position, tightening his grip on the corner of the blanket that Logan had put over him earlier. He gazed up at the ceiling. “I'm pretty far from alright, Roman,” he confessed quietly. “Don't tell Virgil I said that, he'll only worry.”

“He'll know anyway. We all know. That's not what I meant. I meant…” Roman searched for words. “I meant that we're safe now. And we're all together, and we're in a place that we can start to heal and be more careful about keeping the others in check in the future.”

“I know what you meant.” Patton was trembling. He blinked slowly, and a tear slipped out of the corner of his eye, trailing down towards his ear because of how he was lying on his back.

Concerned, Roman moved closer to him. He laid on his side and took Patton’s hand, rubbing his thumb over his palm. “Talk to me, what's going on in your head?” he invited.

“I keep seeing them when I close my eyes.” Patton’s lip trembled.

“The thoughts that Nightmares gave you?”

Patton nodded.

“But he...he let you go,” Roman said, confused. “Shouldn't he be gone from your head?”

“It's not quite that simple, Ro. I still remember what he made me see, what he made me--" Patton’s voice quivered. “What he made me  _ do _ . And I can't stop thinking about it.”

“But it wasn't real. None of it was real.”

“It felt real to me.” Patton rolled over to face him. “I can still...I can feel…” He brought one of his hands up to his face and stared at it like he was trying to convince himself of something. He let out a quiet sob.

“Patton?”

“I'm so sorry,” whispered Patton. “I didn't mean to do it, kiddo, I promise, I'm so sorry...”

“Whatever you're feeling, whatever you're still seeing, it isn't real,” Roman told him urgently. “Patton, listen to me. We're in the living room. All four of us are alright, and Nightmares is gone.”

“I hurt you,” Patton said, still gazing at his hand. “I hurt you...and I hurt Logan, and I hurt Virgil. He said I couldn't go home unless I did. And I tried not to, but he made me anyway, and he said I couldn't go home...unless I hurt you, and now I'm home, so I must have…” Patton was rambling now. He was crying with tiny, gasping sobs as he spoke. “And I wanted to go home so badly, I wanted to come back to you but I didn't want to hurt you, but I was so scared and I was so lonely and I just w-wanted to...to come home, and be with you all again, you're m-my family, I love you, I didn't want to hurt you! He said I'd never see you again or hug you again and I'd be alone in that  _ place _ with him forever unless I hurt you, and--"

“You didn't hurt us,” Roman said firmly. “None of those thoughts were real.”

“But I can't be here if I didn't do it!” sobbed Patton.

The sound of Patton crying had woken Virgil. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Patton? What's wrong?”

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you,” Patton cried. He turned his head to look at Virgil. “But I couldn't--"

“You didn't hurt me,” Virgil said, confused. “You couldn't ever hurt me, Patton. What are you talking about?”

Roman cut in when it became clear that Patton was crying too hard to answer. “I think that he has become convinced that since Nightmares told him he had to hurt us if he wanted to come home, and probably made him see images of himself hurting us, and now he  _ is _ home…”

“Oh, no,” Virgil mumbled. “Oh, no. Patton, come here. You didn't hurt us, come here, it's alright.” Virgil laid back down so he could pull Patton into his arms.

Patton tensed up, continuing to sob. Any other time, Roman knew that he would have instantly melted into the physical affection. But he must have been trying to resist the urge to give in, because he squeezed his eyes shut and flinched away when Roman started to rub his shoulder gently.

Logan had also woken up in time to hear Roman’s explanation. He sat up and reached over Roman to take Patton’s hand. “Patton, I need you to repeat after me,” he said softly. Calmly. “Can you do that?”

There was a second of pause as Patton caught his breath between sobs. “Can you do that,” he mumbled in response.

“I am Patton. I am Thomas’s Morality.”

“I-I’m Patton,” he hiccupped. “I am Th-Thomas's Morality.”

Logan squeezed his hand as if to say he was doing well. “I am in the living room with Roman, Virgil, and Logan.”

“I am in the l-living room with R-Roman, Virgil, and Logan,” Patton repeated.

“That's right,” Virgil murmured, running his fingers through Patton’s hair. “That's right. You're doing great.”

“I was underneath Nightmare’s influence for multiple days,” Logan continued.

“I w-was underneath N-N-Nightmare’s influence for several d-days.”

“I am now safe.”

“I…” Patton hesitated. “I am now safe.”

“Nothing that he showed me was real.”

“N-nothing…”

“Nothing that he showed me was real,” Logan said again.

Patton’s voice was shaking so hard that it was barely understandable, but he managed to say, “N-n-nothing that he sh-showed m-m-me was r-real.”

“I'm allowed to be upset, but I know it wasn't real.”

“I'm allowed to b-be upset, but I kn-know it w-wasn't real.”

“I didn't hurt anyone,” Logan said.

“I didn't--" Patton’s words broke off sharply.

“You didn't hurt anyone,” Roman assured him. “It's alright. You can say it.”

“Feels like I'm lying,” whimpered Patton. “I can't--don't make me, please…”

The distress in his voice was clearly making Virgil uncomfortable. “Logan, are you sure this is the best--"

“I'm sure. Patton.  _ I didn't hurt anyone _ ,” Logan instructed emphatically.

Shaking with sobs, Patton repeated it.

“I'm with my family, and I didn't hurt them.”

“I'm with m-my family,” Patton breathed. “And I...I didn't hurt them.”

“He tried to tell me I'm not a good person.”

“He tried t-to tell me I'm not a good person,” Patton said, nodding.

“I  _ am _ a good person. Because I chose to be a good person.”

“But--"

“I said repeat after me, Patton,” corrected Logan.

“I...am...a good person,” Patton said, like the words were being dragged from his mouth like they were sharp and cutting his tongue and cheeks. “Because I... _ chose _ to be a good person.” That part seemed to come a little easier.

“And nothing Nightmares showed me could ever change that.”

“Nothing he showed me could change that,” Patton agreed. His tone was growing less distraught. Tears kept falling from his eyes, but he wasn’t sobbing anymore.

“You don't have to repeat anymore. Well done, Patton.” Logan passed a hand over his eyes tiredly.

Patton sniffed. “Thank you, Lo,” he whispered. “I don't know why I was...I don't know what happened just then.”

“You became fixated on an intrusive thought,” Logan informed him. “I simply guided you into breaking the cycle.”

“Thank you.”

“You're welcome,” replied Logan.

“Do you think you could sleep now?” Roman asked.

“I don't know.” Patton went to rub his eyes and then flinched as he looked at his hand again.

“Patton?” Roman said. “Patton, what are you seeing?”

“Blood,” Patton said simply. “My hand. It’s covered in blood.”

Virgil let out a small sound of pity and pulled him closer.

“Let me see,” Logan murmured. He took Patton’s hand and examined it closely. “No, there’s no blood, I can promise you that.”

“Are you sure?” Patton pleaded.

Used to soothing irrational fears from dealing with Virgil, Logan nodded and placed Patton’s hand back down onto the couch. “I’m positive.”

“Okay,” Patton said. He closed his eyes slowly. Roman and Logan exchanged glances, communicating silently.

_ Do you think that will be enough? _ Roman wondered, gesturing at Patton.

Logan shrugged. “Hopefully,” he mouthed.

Nodding, Roman looked back at Patton and Virgil. Virgil had curled up around Patton and wrapped his arms around his chest. His face was pressed against the back of Patton’s neck. Both of them seemed fairly calm now.

Roman began to move to get off the couch. He held his finger to his lips when Logan opened his mouth to ask something, and continued over to the cupboard where they kept a stash of blankets. He found the heavy weighted quilt that Virgil used to calm himself down and the soft fleece that Patton would always claim during movie nights. Coming back over to the couch with his arms full of the blankets, he draped both over the two almost-asleep Sides. There was plenty of room under the covers still, and he slid down until he was pressed close to Patton. “Logan? Going to join us?”

“I…” Logan was about to refuse, but Roman shot him a meaningful look and he gave in. “Yes, of course.”

Almost smiling, Roman held up the corner of the blanket for Logan to come lay underneath. Once Logan had laid down with his shoulder touching Roman’s back, he seemed to be more relaxed. His breathing was slow and calm, at least. But Roman could tell that he was tense and unhappy. He rolled over. “Logan, are you still having trouble with what Apathy did to you?” he asked quietly but directly.

Logan flinched slightly. “Yes,” he said after a moment. “I know it isn’t logical, to still be...affected by his presence this long after he has gone, but it remains. I’m... _ afraid _ of...of feeling that way again. I don’t wish to be purposeless. I don’t want to ever leave Thomas without my presence. I fear what would happen if Apathy took over completely.”

“Well, there.”

“What?” Logan asked.

“There it is. You have purpose. Even if nothing else, you know that Thomas needs you,  _ practically _ . The emotions...don’t matter.” It was difficult for Roman to convince Logan of anything. He was Creativity--he didn’t  _ need _ to use logic. But it was how Logan communicated, so he would try. “You don't have to bother with emotions, just hard facts. Thomas would not survive without you. Our job is to keep Thomas safe. There's your purpose. Apathy can't touch you.”

Logan paused. “I appreciate that,” he said. “It...helps. Thank you.”

“Anytime, Logan.” Roman gazed up at the ceiling. Almost ten minutes later, neither of them were asleep.

“Roman, is something troubling you?” Logan inquired. “I can...practically hear you thinking, and that's never good.”

Roman snorted. “Thanks, Logan.”

“I just know that when your mind is overactive, you can have a hard time falling asleep,” Logan said. “And that it can be helpful to discuss what you are thinking.”

It took Roman a minute to find the words to explain. “I’m just...wondering why Deceit would have ever told Impulsivity his plan. He must have known Impulsivity would have just blurted it out to me.”

“Yes, I thought about that as well,” Logan agreed. “It does seem rather strange at first glance.”

“Deceit must have...thought that I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it anyway,” Roman said slowly. “It was just another tactic to hurt me. To make me feel helpless and more compliant about staying in the dreamworld.”

“Very well reasoned, Roman. But why is it still troubling you?”

“I don’t know,” Roman confessed. “I suppose it just hurts that he thought so little of me.”

“If he hadn’t underestimated you, his plan would have succeeded. Doesn’t that make you feel better?” Logan wondered. “You proved him wrong.”

“I shouldn’t care what he thought,” Roman said. “But it hurts my pride, Logan. Do you understand?”

“Yes. And you’re right, you  _ shouldn’t _ care what Deceit thinks of you, but you do. It’s who you are, Roman, and you can’t change it. I don’t believe that you should try to. It’s understandable that your pride is damaged, but you will be alright. Similar things have happened before, and you were alright then.” Logan took a deep breath. “Does that help?”

In response, Roman took Logan’s hand and squeezed it tightly. “Never change, nerd,” he mumbled.

“I’m not sure how that answered my question, but I will assume it was positive. Goodnight, Roman.” Logan closed his eyes, letting Roman still cling to his hand.

After he had scanned the room a couple more times to make sure that no shadowy figures were lurking in the corners, he finally let his eyes close, and he sank into a peaceful darkness.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mention of intrusive thoughts, mention of anxiety attacks, mentions of existential shutdowns, insomnia, mild paranoia.

For several days, the Sides never strayed far from each others’ sights. None of them admitted it outright, but they were all afraid of what might happen if one of them wandered off on their own. So they all slept in the living room on top of the fold-out couch that Roman kept saying he would get rid of tomorrow, and kept not doing getting rid of.

Patton had a few more episodes where he couldn’t remember which thoughts were real and which had been put there by Marston, but Logan was always there to guide him back to reality, and Roman and Virgil were there to hold him until he could stop crying.

Several times, Roman would realize that Virgil wasn’t there and would rush to find him. He would always be close by, hiding and shivering as he tried to stay calm. Hugs and kind words would usually serve to comfort him, but it was so bad once that Roman had to physically carry him over to the fold-out couch and let Patton take over.

If Logan was still feeling Apathy’s effects, he hid it very well. Roman only found him shut down once, and it lasted less than an hour. Roman sat with him the whole time, holding his hand and telling him stories until he returned to himself. Logan had expressed his gratitude with a very slight hand squeeze, and then pretended like it had never happened. Roman was okay with that.

And as for Roman? Well, he didn’t return to the dreamworld for days. It was partially because he didn’t want to leave the other three, but he was also afraid that Impulsivity might be waiting for him there, to trap him in a whirl of unfettered imagination that he couldn’t control.

In the end, he didn’t get ambushed by Impulsivity in the dreamworld. He got startled by the Side in the kitchen in the middle of the night.

Roman hadn’t been sleeping well. It didn’t surprise him, but it did upset Patton, so he tried to hide it. At night after the other three had fallen asleep, Roman would sit on the edge of the couch-bed with his sword in his lap, ready to defend his family if necessary.

A sound in the kitchen startled him and he sprang to his feet, holding his sword out cautiously as he crept over to investigate. Greeted by the sight of the annoying Side in his bright green beanie, Roman almost let out a yelp. He covered his shock quickly and hissed, “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, hey, Roman!” Impulsivity exclaimed loudly.

“Shhh!” Roman chastised. “The others are trying to sleep!”

“Oops!”

“ _ Shhhh _ !” Roman groaned. He grabbed Impulsivity by the arm and yanked him into the hallway. “Okay, why are you here? Did Deceit send you? Did Marston? What are they planning?”

“Whoa, hey, easy, dude! It's nothing like that. Actually, I was coming by to tell you that you don't have to worry about them for a good long while.”

Roman blinked. “What?”

Impulsivity shrugged nonchalantly. “Yeah, they're pretty deep in the subconscious right now. Apathy, too. I doubt they'll be able to find their way out well enough to really do anything for a long time.”

“But--but, how?” Roman sputtered. “And how do  _ you _ know this?”

“I put them there! Well, not Marston. Patton did that. But I sent Deceit and Apathy to join him,” said Impulsivity.

“How?” Roman demanded again.

“It's not that hard. I kind of just went--" Impulsivity waved his hands vaguely. “You know?”

“I...I do not. I definitely do not know.”

“Oh, well. It's hard to explain. But you know, split second decisions are kinda my  _ thing _ , and helping Thomas decide that he didn't want Apathy or Deceit around was a piece of cake. It was kinda just like a--" He snapped. “Like, you know. These bitches empty,  _ yeet _ , into the darkest part of the subconscious you go.”

“I don't understand you at all,” Roman said flatly. “But thank you.”

“Hey, I don't really want them taking over any more than you do,” Impulsivity claimed. “Like, Apathy doesn't ever  _ stop _ me from doing anything, but when he gets control, Thomas doesn't want to go out with his friends and have fun anymore. And Deceit  _ hates _ me ‘cause I can't keep a secret to save Thomas’s life, no love lost between us. And Marston is just straight up creepy. I don't like getting his thoughts anywhere near me, they feel gross and sticky and I don't want Thomas to act on them, but I can't help it, you know?”

Roman was a little surprised that Impulsivity was talking to him like this. “I understand, I suppose. So what are you going to do?”

“I'm gonna head back to the subconscious myself. I like the buildings on the edges, I've got some places there with memories I like to hang out in,” he replied.

“You...you're going there willingly? Locking yourself away...willingly?”

“Hey, I'm bad for Thomas if I'm out here for too long. Besides, you guys don't let me have any fun.” He winked at Roman. “See ya!”

“Wait! Um, Impulsivity?”

“Uh-huh?”

“Deceit really thought that his plan would work, right?”

“I don’t think he had any doubts,” Impulsivity answered.

“What exactly didn’t he anticipate?” Roman wanted to know.

“Lots of things, I think. You being able to convince Thomas to let you out of the dreamworld. Me  _ letting _ you out of the dreamworld.”

“You what?”

“You don’t think I didn’t know that you were gonna try to break out when I let you rest, did you?” Impulsivity laughed. “I didn’t know if you actually  _ could _ , but I figured I should give you a fighting chance.”

“Oh.” Roman fumbled with that for a moment, then said, “Thank you, I suppose.”

“Don’t sweat it. Oh, and Deceit also  _ definitely _ wasn’t anticipating Patton being strong enough to banish Marston after everything Marston put him through. He ranted about that for hours before I decided enough was enough and that he needed to go.” Impulsivity reached up and adjusted his beanie. “Well, I’m off. Bye, Roman!”

“Um...goodbye, Impulsivity.”

“It's Spencer.”

“Wh--" Roman broke off, just staring. “ _ What? _ ” he asked eventually.

“My name! It's Spencer. I don't mind you guys knowing. I mean, Logan and Virgil know, which means it's just you and Patton who didn't. You can tell him, too!” Spencer said eagerly. “I don't know why I haven't told you guys before.”

“Spencer?” Roman shook his head. “Spencer. That's…”

“A bit different, huh?”

“Pretty different,” confirmed Roman. “Spencer.”

“I can't tell you Deceit or Apathy’s names--though Apathy probably wouldn't  _ care _ . Like, I physically can't, or I probably would. Watch this. Apathy’s name is--" Spencer’s face tensed up and he winced, seemingly unable to move his mouth. Then he relaxed. “Weird, huh?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Okay, I'm  _ actually _ gonna go now before Thomas wakes up. See you around! Oh, and you should really try to sleep instead of sitting there with a sword all night. You're starting to look like Virge with those dark circles.” Spencer did some finger guns and then disappeared.

“See you, Spencer,” Roman said numbly. He stared at the place where the impulsive Side had been, mildly offended but knowing he was right.

With the knowledge that the Dark Sides weren’t going to attack, Roman could finally put his sword away and get some rest.

The family was safe. The sunshine would come out again, and the foils were gone...for now.


End file.
